5th August 2006,
1.00pm, Saturday. Yeah, it's time to go home. Saturday half day. Tired, body aching. Pain at my left heel, intensified during walking and after waking up in the morning. Dr. George said X-Ray shown spondilytis (tiny spur) seen at the heel, but the pelvic bone shown normal. Can't believe as such age can get spur, usually spur happen in elderly. Oh dear, that means aging process is really happening. Reaching 30's...really really can't believe it. With such age, body really weaken. Mum always nag me for not taking good care of myself: didn't wear proper shoes, don't take much fruits and vege, sleep so late, don't want to see doc, bla bla bla...I don't seem to improve even after the nagging. But now, when seeing a lot bad result, I begin to get scared. Few days ago, I went for Blood check. It's annual Blood check for those doing CDR: FBC, LFT, BUSE. The others level is good, normal range, but my LFT is high, ALT: 69, AST: 41. I got a shock, how can my liver been deteriorating. I'm quite worried, called up Dr. George, he said probably because stress or other drugs that I've been taking. Funny to think about it, I don't take much drugs, neither do I have much stress. Hmmm...reflecting back my pass medical history, so far not much of problem. Yeah, my dad have liver problem, but I've taken Hepatitis B vaccination.
A few times I felt chest pain and bones pain all over. There's one incident wake up can't able to breath. O Lord, I need Your healing hands. Lord heal me, I pray. Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved...this is my prayer...in You I find strength and help in times of need.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Succesful discussion, Praise God!
3th August 2006,
5.28pm, Thurs. Waiting to go to Pfizer talk. Today is okie. Had a discussion with Mr Koh and Ivan regarding repositioning of counters. Earlier on, Ivan insisted to maintain counter 1, 4 and 8. But I have different proposal, to help the Pharmacy staff work more efficiently. Yeap, the discussion was alright, praise God! Mr. Koh was pretty supportive, with his presence a lot things able to be settled well. Finally I manage to kill 2 birds with one stone. We have decided to reposition the counters, not only the Dispensing Counters but also the Cashiers..and to renovate the area, gonna have a new look. I hope the solution that we have come out with will come to pass, not just mere talking. I really hope the management will do what they had promised. Today was alright, discussion is good, work as usual. Waiting for Pfizer talk later in the evening, not sure what I'm gonna do here. Another 2 hours to go, so doing some blogging. Celina went back yesterday, with Brandon. Hmm...not too sure about their relationship, a while good, a while bad. Not sure what Celina really wanted. Am not in the position to give inputs, no experience. Hope she will be coping well. She has been really independant. I believe it's God plan for her to join UKM instead of USM...God is working in her, indeed He is...and will, forever.
5.28pm, Thurs. Waiting to go to Pfizer talk. Today is okie. Had a discussion with Mr Koh and Ivan regarding repositioning of counters. Earlier on, Ivan insisted to maintain counter 1, 4 and 8. But I have different proposal, to help the Pharmacy staff work more efficiently. Yeap, the discussion was alright, praise God! Mr. Koh was pretty supportive, with his presence a lot things able to be settled well. Finally I manage to kill 2 birds with one stone. We have decided to reposition the counters, not only the Dispensing Counters but also the Cashiers..and to renovate the area, gonna have a new look. I hope the solution that we have come out with will come to pass, not just mere talking. I really hope the management will do what they had promised. Today was alright, discussion is good, work as usual. Waiting for Pfizer talk later in the evening, not sure what I'm gonna do here. Another 2 hours to go, so doing some blogging. Celina went back yesterday, with Brandon. Hmm...not too sure about their relationship, a while good, a while bad. Not sure what Celina really wanted. Am not in the position to give inputs, no experience. Hope she will be coping well. She has been really independant. I believe it's God plan for her to join UKM instead of USM...God is working in her, indeed He is...and will, forever.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Transparency, accountability
29th July 2006,
1.21pm Saturday. Yeap, half day. Today's patient load is not that high, quite relief now. Very tired, sleep around 2 am yesterday nite. I attend JOC yesterday, Andrew lead the group, sharing on JOC mission and vision- Transparency, sharing on Ps139. I couldn't find the place, round the taman for many many rounds- finally give up, call Andrew to help give direction. JOC have a strong worship. I enjoyed the worship the most, it boost everyone before the sharing- this will make sharing easier to absorb by members. Sleep at 2 am, tired but it's worth the time spent. Had a drink with Andrew after CG, has been a while since the last time meet. I'm blessed, to know him...and appreciate his openness and willingness to share his life experience with me. God has been working well, and His fingerprint is so real in his life, for this I'm thankful...Thanks Andrew, for being my brother!
Last week sermon Pr. shared his heart out in regards to transparency among Christian, it's after Men's Retreat. ACTS also stressed on transparency, and CG do talk about that as well. It seems that this week is what the Lord wants to deliver on the message on transparency.
James 5:16 is the main verse:
16Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].Amplified Bible
It teach us how we should pray? Openly, privately, accountability to one another. All sins and fall short of God's glory. Everyday we're sinning, unconciously or conciously. And many times the devil use the sins to threaten us, condemn us. It's so difficult to be victorious over sins. James 5 is so relevent- to confess to one another of our fault (Amplified Bible), trespasses (NKJV), and PRAY for one another- talk about support, accountability, so that you may be HEALED and RESTORED. The earnest prayer (heartfelt, continued, fervent) is dynamic. That is from Amplified Bible. Accountability with one another, the support and prayer by fellow Christian will lift up the burdens, and lead us to go on, to press on for His Glory- to be accountable for us to grow.
I'm asking myself- do I have any accountable friends? What is the step towards transparency and accountability? First- the trust, common ground, it take humility to tell others our sins, our wrongdoing, it takes effort to open up, to trust and to be vulnerable...and for one I'm sure I am not. I rarely open up. Most of the time, others open up to me- is it to do with pride? Or it's just that I'm chossy. Just too chossy on the person for me to share?
Yes Lord, I've heard of Your Word, how important for us to be transparent, not of being hypocrite, but be openned and transparent with one another. Father, I'm open before you, I'm transparent before you, I tear all the walls open and laid it bare before You. You know my struggles... You have searched me and known me, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You understand my thought afar off.. You know it all, I'm willing Lord, first to be transparent before You, acknowledge my sins and shortcoming before You, Lord help me, restore me to Your purpose, lead me to Your everlasting.
1.21pm Saturday. Yeap, half day. Today's patient load is not that high, quite relief now. Very tired, sleep around 2 am yesterday nite. I attend JOC yesterday, Andrew lead the group, sharing on JOC mission and vision- Transparency, sharing on Ps139. I couldn't find the place, round the taman for many many rounds- finally give up, call Andrew to help give direction. JOC have a strong worship. I enjoyed the worship the most, it boost everyone before the sharing- this will make sharing easier to absorb by members. Sleep at 2 am, tired but it's worth the time spent. Had a drink with Andrew after CG, has been a while since the last time meet. I'm blessed, to know him...and appreciate his openness and willingness to share his life experience with me. God has been working well, and His fingerprint is so real in his life, for this I'm thankful...Thanks Andrew, for being my brother!
Last week sermon Pr. shared his heart out in regards to transparency among Christian, it's after Men's Retreat. ACTS also stressed on transparency, and CG do talk about that as well. It seems that this week is what the Lord wants to deliver on the message on transparency.
James 5:16 is the main verse:
16Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].Amplified Bible
It teach us how we should pray? Openly, privately, accountability to one another. All sins and fall short of God's glory. Everyday we're sinning, unconciously or conciously. And many times the devil use the sins to threaten us, condemn us. It's so difficult to be victorious over sins. James 5 is so relevent- to confess to one another of our fault (Amplified Bible), trespasses (NKJV), and PRAY for one another- talk about support, accountability, so that you may be HEALED and RESTORED. The earnest prayer (heartfelt, continued, fervent) is dynamic. That is from Amplified Bible. Accountability with one another, the support and prayer by fellow Christian will lift up the burdens, and lead us to go on, to press on for His Glory- to be accountable for us to grow.
I'm asking myself- do I have any accountable friends? What is the step towards transparency and accountability? First- the trust, common ground, it take humility to tell others our sins, our wrongdoing, it takes effort to open up, to trust and to be vulnerable...and for one I'm sure I am not. I rarely open up. Most of the time, others open up to me- is it to do with pride? Or it's just that I'm chossy. Just too chossy on the person for me to share?
Yes Lord, I've heard of Your Word, how important for us to be transparent, not of being hypocrite, but be openned and transparent with one another. Father, I'm open before you, I'm transparent before you, I tear all the walls open and laid it bare before You. You know my struggles... You have searched me and known me, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You understand my thought afar off.. You know it all, I'm willing Lord, first to be transparent before You, acknowledge my sins and shortcoming before You, Lord help me, restore me to Your purpose, lead me to Your everlasting.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine
28th July 2006,
5.14pm, Friday. Thank God for Fri...it's gonna be weekends, great! Yeap, today is Friday, and Fri is a CG day. So which CG am I gonna be visiting today? I'll join Jars of Clay (my little brother's CG). Mum not at home, she's on her way driving to Bro's place for dinner. I won't join them- will be going back home eat Maggie Mee :P Then go Pr. Mei's hse for CG.
This week has been a good week. My heart rested well, doing ACTs every night before sleep helps me in the Words. Learning to pray for others and the needs, looking beyond my own needs. Visited Ps Prem yesterday, he wasn't well, diagnosed with AML and looks pretty depressed. I truly understand how it feels. It's never easy going through such trials, pain and suffering. But all intended for some reason. Yes, all things work for good for those who love God, all things. That should be the assurance we have. To persevere on the life on earth, thru' persecution, suffering and pains- knowing that as we trust and hold on the faith, God will bring us higher. Sometimes we just wonder why bad people always escape, good people always suffer. The rich get richer, the poor poorer. It's heart wretching isn't it? Yet, the assurance of God is there, He is Sovereign, He is in control, He has made all things beautiful in His time. Press on the race, knowing that the prize is heavenward in Christ.
5.14pm, Friday. Thank God for Fri...it's gonna be weekends, great! Yeap, today is Friday, and Fri is a CG day. So which CG am I gonna be visiting today? I'll join Jars of Clay (my little brother's CG). Mum not at home, she's on her way driving to Bro's place for dinner. I won't join them- will be going back home eat Maggie Mee :P Then go Pr. Mei's hse for CG.
This week has been a good week. My heart rested well, doing ACTs every night before sleep helps me in the Words. Learning to pray for others and the needs, looking beyond my own needs. Visited Ps Prem yesterday, he wasn't well, diagnosed with AML and looks pretty depressed. I truly understand how it feels. It's never easy going through such trials, pain and suffering. But all intended for some reason. Yes, all things work for good for those who love God, all things. That should be the assurance we have. To persevere on the life on earth, thru' persecution, suffering and pains- knowing that as we trust and hold on the faith, God will bring us higher. Sometimes we just wonder why bad people always escape, good people always suffer. The rich get richer, the poor poorer. It's heart wretching isn't it? Yet, the assurance of God is there, He is Sovereign, He is in control, He has made all things beautiful in His time. Press on the race, knowing that the prize is heavenward in Christ.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Life Application Bible, NKJV
25th July 2006,
Yeap..that's right, I finally bought the Study Bible, cool! Hmm..I have 2 bibles both given by Celina, and now finally got my own. Will need to make the fullest use of it. I've wanted to start afresh, in Bible reading- back up with the Sword, the WOG to able to grow strong, to be a better person. ACTS is very much powerful tools, ..indeed Ps. Sam has put a lot effort in this, preparing the material, very practical approach.
Today supposed to be audit by the Ministry of Health, but they postponed the visit to tomorrow. I did not do much, probably coz I didn't feel the pinch, quite experience from the previous accreditation. Work has been quite routine, normal- nothing much challenging. For some it's a good thing, not so much of stress, have some life. For me, it's okie, but without putting more efford to keep me occupied, I'll end up complacent and lazy...I hope not. Yes, am waiting for new system e-THIS, new coding, new structure. Confirmed to implement by 31th Auguest. Can't wait for it. My CDR Unit, hopefully by end of the year able to set it up properly. Delegation so far so good. Staff response well, not sure about Magdalene..hope she can cope without Charmine. I have 2 students with me now, 1 Pharmacy Student, a guy another Medical student. I thank God for this 2 students, very hardworking- didn't count much, do whtever seniors asked to do. Hope the attachment in GMC will provide good experience and additional practical knowledge for their future use.
Well, Tuesday- nothing much, going back have lunch, then spend time with mum, doing reading and rest. Not much of activities with church friends, only weekends. Cell Group...still not sure, thinking of joining back Desa-U...Benji has take up the CGL role, wanting to support, yet feel inadequate, as if has been long far off, not sure what to contribute. Still wandering, prayerfully when the right time comes, I'll get back on-track. Praise God!
Yeap..that's right, I finally bought the Study Bible, cool! Hmm..I have 2 bibles both given by Celina, and now finally got my own. Will need to make the fullest use of it. I've wanted to start afresh, in Bible reading- back up with the Sword, the WOG to able to grow strong, to be a better person. ACTS is very much powerful tools, ..indeed Ps. Sam has put a lot effort in this, preparing the material, very practical approach.
Today supposed to be audit by the Ministry of Health, but they postponed the visit to tomorrow. I did not do much, probably coz I didn't feel the pinch, quite experience from the previous accreditation. Work has been quite routine, normal- nothing much challenging. For some it's a good thing, not so much of stress, have some life. For me, it's okie, but without putting more efford to keep me occupied, I'll end up complacent and lazy...I hope not. Yes, am waiting for new system e-THIS, new coding, new structure. Confirmed to implement by 31th Auguest. Can't wait for it. My CDR Unit, hopefully by end of the year able to set it up properly. Delegation so far so good. Staff response well, not sure about Magdalene..hope she can cope without Charmine. I have 2 students with me now, 1 Pharmacy Student, a guy another Medical student. I thank God for this 2 students, very hardworking- didn't count much, do whtever seniors asked to do. Hope the attachment in GMC will provide good experience and additional practical knowledge for their future use.
Well, Tuesday- nothing much, going back have lunch, then spend time with mum, doing reading and rest. Not much of activities with church friends, only weekends. Cell Group...still not sure, thinking of joining back Desa-U...Benji has take up the CGL role, wanting to support, yet feel inadequate, as if has been long far off, not sure what to contribute. Still wandering, prayerfully when the right time comes, I'll get back on-track. Praise God!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Sing a new song to the Lord
10th July 2006,
6.00pm Monday evening. Write my blog before going off to Flame. Later the Desa-U rian will meet up- gonna hv dinner wth Matt before he go off to China. Wah, he's a blessed man- God has really blessed him with wonderful opportunity for climb coaprate ladder.
I reached Pg Airport 7pm, Benji and Jason came to pick me up then we join the rest for dinner. Really tired, but Kl trip was a fruitful one, I learned a lot, and am blessed by the fellowship with ex-SAHC, Lisa and Kawai. Manage to watch a bit from Fire conference CD- on Paul Baloche teaching one session on the heart of worship. I'm amazed on the way he sing to the Lord, yes- sing to the Lord from the heart. To know the scripture, and take out the Scripture and sing, just sing out. Sing praises to Him, worship from the heart. Worship in Spirit and truth....I'm blessed and challenged. Ps. Joseph shared on book of Joshua, how he conquer the land of Ai, and what can we learn from tht. We never can run ahead of God, but to wait for the opportunity, and He will provide the blessings- Blessings from obedient. Settled the sins, deal with the sins before victory come. Holding on and living on the Word of God.
Wake up late today-8.30am, rain so heavily, continuously. I jammed for almost an hour, the cars doesn't seem to move at all, trying to use other route (Jelutong) but end up the same. Finally manage to get to hospital by 10am, wow, that is late. I had lunch with Mr Koh, Japansese food- he treat. He's rather quiet man, and I'm also quiet person, we do talk on some personal things- eg. what we do during weekends, how is the church doing- reaching to Vietnamese, etc. Overall alright. I'm still not comfortable with people th higher authority, yes- respect and also need to treat the person as human...learning. My boss is good boss- never ever pressuring me. Thank God for him. Yup, going off. The guys must be waiting- hopefully not jam. Till then! Bye
6.00pm Monday evening. Write my blog before going off to Flame. Later the Desa-U rian will meet up- gonna hv dinner wth Matt before he go off to China. Wah, he's a blessed man- God has really blessed him with wonderful opportunity for climb coaprate ladder.
I reached Pg Airport 7pm, Benji and Jason came to pick me up then we join the rest for dinner. Really tired, but Kl trip was a fruitful one, I learned a lot, and am blessed by the fellowship with ex-SAHC, Lisa and Kawai. Manage to watch a bit from Fire conference CD- on Paul Baloche teaching one session on the heart of worship. I'm amazed on the way he sing to the Lord, yes- sing to the Lord from the heart. To know the scripture, and take out the Scripture and sing, just sing out. Sing praises to Him, worship from the heart. Worship in Spirit and truth....I'm blessed and challenged. Ps. Joseph shared on book of Joshua, how he conquer the land of Ai, and what can we learn from tht. We never can run ahead of God, but to wait for the opportunity, and He will provide the blessings- Blessings from obedient. Settled the sins, deal with the sins before victory come. Holding on and living on the Word of God.
Wake up late today-8.30am, rain so heavily, continuously. I jammed for almost an hour, the cars doesn't seem to move at all, trying to use other route (Jelutong) but end up the same. Finally manage to get to hospital by 10am, wow, that is late. I had lunch with Mr Koh, Japansese food- he treat. He's rather quiet man, and I'm also quiet person, we do talk on some personal things- eg. what we do during weekends, how is the church doing- reaching to Vietnamese, etc. Overall alright. I'm still not comfortable with people th higher authority, yes- respect and also need to treat the person as human...learning. My boss is good boss- never ever pressuring me. Thank God for him. Yup, going off. The guys must be waiting- hopefully not jam. Till then! Bye
Sunday, July 09, 2006
About to end...good trip!
9th July 2006,
12.10am Sunday morning. Lisa just went back. Lisa is a lady I meet when I visit Kawai's CG. Surprisingly it's not the 1st time that I meet her. I think I've attended her church_Grace Assembly couple years back when I visit Kenneth and Sarah. It's a small world- she know Li Gean and Viveene from FGC, my hometown church. Today conference was really taxing. I missed the 1st plenary in the morning because I overslept. Pretty tired. After the conference, take few minutes nap- then meet up with Lisa and eat at Mc-D. It's always nice to have gathering with Christian. She shared a lot to me, about what she learned during the Elijah Home, about Fathely love. The message quite similar to what Ps. Sam preached during Father's Day. I'm blessed to be reminded of the message again. Indeed good time. Each time before she leave she will pray with me. I'm amazed to see such caring and passionate lady, that desire to love God and make Him to be known.
Yeah, tomorrow is Sunday. Will miss church in Penang. Will not able to attend "Too close Too soon" seminar..wow, can escape from tht, good. Have been attending quite a number of the Singles talk, should be enough I guess. Yeah, will be visiting Lighthouse Fellowship tomorrow- hope I can wake up early tomorrow and get a right train to Taman Bahagia. This time don't want to take cab- previous experience has not been a pleasant one. Yeah, got to sleep- tomorrow church, got to be prepared for powerful message by Ps. Joseph, alright, bye Legend Hotel Room#1710, computer :P Nite!
12.10am Sunday morning. Lisa just went back. Lisa is a lady I meet when I visit Kawai's CG. Surprisingly it's not the 1st time that I meet her. I think I've attended her church_Grace Assembly couple years back when I visit Kenneth and Sarah. It's a small world- she know Li Gean and Viveene from FGC, my hometown church. Today conference was really taxing. I missed the 1st plenary in the morning because I overslept. Pretty tired. After the conference, take few minutes nap- then meet up with Lisa and eat at Mc-D. It's always nice to have gathering with Christian. She shared a lot to me, about what she learned during the Elijah Home, about Fathely love. The message quite similar to what Ps. Sam preached during Father's Day. I'm blessed to be reminded of the message again. Indeed good time. Each time before she leave she will pray with me. I'm amazed to see such caring and passionate lady, that desire to love God and make Him to be known.
Yeah, tomorrow is Sunday. Will miss church in Penang. Will not able to attend "Too close Too soon" seminar..wow, can escape from tht, good. Have been attending quite a number of the Singles talk, should be enough I guess. Yeah, will be visiting Lighthouse Fellowship tomorrow- hope I can wake up early tomorrow and get a right train to Taman Bahagia. This time don't want to take cab- previous experience has not been a pleasant one. Yeah, got to sleep- tomorrow church, got to be prepared for powerful message by Ps. Joseph, alright, bye Legend Hotel Room#1710, computer :P Nite!
Saturday, July 08, 2006
3rd PENSMA Biennial Congress: Nutritional Support, Legend Hotel, Kuala Lumpur
7th July 2006,
12.08am Saturday morning. I just got back from gathering with old classmates: Kok Keong, Andrew, Jenny and Sim Wooi. It was a great gathering, after so long didn't meet. I enjoy the time chatting and as usual the jokes. Yeah, today is 1st Day of the conference. So far so good, I learn quite some bit about TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) even though we're not into such service in GMC.
I was pretty tired. Yesterday (Thurs) flight supposed to be 7.25pm but delayed to 10.00pm. By the time we reach Legend Hotel, it's already past midnite: 12.45pm. Then another bad experience. The hotel gave me wrong room. My ascess card could not open the door because there was someone inside. I can hear the snoring. Called up the Hotel staff twice before they finally arrange another room for me. By the time all settled it was real late: 1.30am. Anyway, cool! I have a free internet ascess here. Even though the computer is not Window based, but I can still surf and ascess to mailbox. That is why I'm here, middle of the nite blogging all the way through.
Today seminar pretty okie, few of the session I almost doze off, but with coffee manage to keep my eyes open. Fresenius Kabi sponsored quite a number of people from Penang. Most of the people were from Government side- Dr. Luah, and co. only 2 of us from private: Ms. Chen (Adventist Hospital Head of Pharmacy) and myself. Ganesh was sponsored by Braun. We had same flight, and it's good time for bonding and sharing of experience. Ms Chen always my role model in private healthcare. A lot people afraid of her, yet there's still respect in terms of her way of handling work- very discipline and no no to play a fool with.
After the seminar, I went to gym, had a quick workout and then come back freshen up to join the gathering. I was very encouraged to hear Andrew joinign fulltime ministry. He's now a Children Pastor in SIB church in KL, near Eastin Hotel. Only a few people that I'm close with during Form 6 time: Jenny, Keong and Andrew. We chatted in Kopitiam Restaurant, Sri Hartammas- and we just saying that time was so fast that we're now so old. Can't believe we're reaching 30's soon, and some already in their 30's. Oh No! I can't imagine myself in 30's, another more year I'll be nenek.....Oh No!
I was really tired. Just now sis called- she shared with me on the possiblity of breaking up with her bf. Again??!! I was pretty unhappy with the decision, as if she has been going around many relationship and none has been successful. Most of the time she is the one rejecting the relationship, probably have not found a "right" person, or is it something to do with expectation. Hmmm...I wonder my case, I've not been in any relationship before- can't believe it yeah? That's right, never into any relationship. Most of the time I was the one that clapping one hand, a few times- sensing someone that attract to me, but know not suitable- keeping a distance. I wonder how will my relationship be? Well, as for me, of such time, relationship will lead to marriage, or else better to stay single.
12.30am, am tired, gonna logoff. Thank you Lord for the day.
12.08am Saturday morning. I just got back from gathering with old classmates: Kok Keong, Andrew, Jenny and Sim Wooi. It was a great gathering, after so long didn't meet. I enjoy the time chatting and as usual the jokes. Yeah, today is 1st Day of the conference. So far so good, I learn quite some bit about TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) even though we're not into such service in GMC.
I was pretty tired. Yesterday (Thurs) flight supposed to be 7.25pm but delayed to 10.00pm. By the time we reach Legend Hotel, it's already past midnite: 12.45pm. Then another bad experience. The hotel gave me wrong room. My ascess card could not open the door because there was someone inside. I can hear the snoring. Called up the Hotel staff twice before they finally arrange another room for me. By the time all settled it was real late: 1.30am. Anyway, cool! I have a free internet ascess here. Even though the computer is not Window based, but I can still surf and ascess to mailbox. That is why I'm here, middle of the nite blogging all the way through.
Today seminar pretty okie, few of the session I almost doze off, but with coffee manage to keep my eyes open. Fresenius Kabi sponsored quite a number of people from Penang. Most of the people were from Government side- Dr. Luah, and co. only 2 of us from private: Ms. Chen (Adventist Hospital Head of Pharmacy) and myself. Ganesh was sponsored by Braun. We had same flight, and it's good time for bonding and sharing of experience. Ms Chen always my role model in private healthcare. A lot people afraid of her, yet there's still respect in terms of her way of handling work- very discipline and no no to play a fool with.
After the seminar, I went to gym, had a quick workout and then come back freshen up to join the gathering. I was very encouraged to hear Andrew joinign fulltime ministry. He's now a Children Pastor in SIB church in KL, near Eastin Hotel. Only a few people that I'm close with during Form 6 time: Jenny, Keong and Andrew. We chatted in Kopitiam Restaurant, Sri Hartammas- and we just saying that time was so fast that we're now so old. Can't believe we're reaching 30's soon, and some already in their 30's. Oh No! I can't imagine myself in 30's, another more year I'll be nenek.....Oh No!
I was really tired. Just now sis called- she shared with me on the possiblity of breaking up with her bf. Again??!! I was pretty unhappy with the decision, as if she has been going around many relationship and none has been successful. Most of the time she is the one rejecting the relationship, probably have not found a "right" person, or is it something to do with expectation. Hmmm...I wonder my case, I've not been in any relationship before- can't believe it yeah? That's right, never into any relationship. Most of the time I was the one that clapping one hand, a few times- sensing someone that attract to me, but know not suitable- keeping a distance. I wonder how will my relationship be? Well, as for me, of such time, relationship will lead to marriage, or else better to stay single.
12.30am, am tired, gonna logoff. Thank you Lord for the day.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Arguement, Confrontation never a pleasant thing
5th July 2006,
5.49pm Had a bad day, again- arguement with Choong. Dr Hafiz called up to check on the drugs- he suspect pharmacy give wrong instruction on drugs- warfarin. The patient INR reduce to 1.1, and he suspect the patient underdose. I check up the prescription- found out that the dose is 3mg, bottle is 2mg one tab once daily. I look at who did the error. Never my intention to pint point anyone. It's a team- the whole process wrong- to the whole team should bear the fault, yet 2 escape, did not sign on the Rx.
Choong so upset, heated arguement- saying me targeting her. She refuse to write. I felt so aweful. Whether it's mistake or not- it's not my point. My point is people don't want to take responsibility. I'm just so tired. It's never easy to say something bad in front of others. It always reflect the bad-guy, how bad I am, making others to hate me. I guess the whole department must hate me for being strict with things. I'm just so tired, rather it's better being 2nd pharmacist- or maybe it's my character that God is trying to change- pride? Stubburnness?
I know I should esteem others, praise others when they doing right. Yet I've not try. Maybe that's why people think all are the same, whether do good or not good, whether perform or not. How am I going to handle the staff? The seniors hate me so much. I just prayed yesterday- pray for the staff, pray for me to love people, pray for every staff to be blessed; yet now today I experience such unpleasant thing. What is God trying to do? He's meaning something with me. Pray and see changes- trials and fruits? Or don't pray let it go off naturally- no impact- complacent?
Anyhow, I'm standing firm in hIs Word, yes He is working. All things work for good for those who love Him. As long as I do according to His Spirit, His Wisdom, have faith things will change. Oh Lord, help me!
5.49pm Had a bad day, again- arguement with Choong. Dr Hafiz called up to check on the drugs- he suspect pharmacy give wrong instruction on drugs- warfarin. The patient INR reduce to 1.1, and he suspect the patient underdose. I check up the prescription- found out that the dose is 3mg, bottle is 2mg one tab once daily. I look at who did the error. Never my intention to pint point anyone. It's a team- the whole process wrong- to the whole team should bear the fault, yet 2 escape, did not sign on the Rx.
Choong so upset, heated arguement- saying me targeting her. She refuse to write. I felt so aweful. Whether it's mistake or not- it's not my point. My point is people don't want to take responsibility. I'm just so tired. It's never easy to say something bad in front of others. It always reflect the bad-guy, how bad I am, making others to hate me. I guess the whole department must hate me for being strict with things. I'm just so tired, rather it's better being 2nd pharmacist- or maybe it's my character that God is trying to change- pride? Stubburnness?
I know I should esteem others, praise others when they doing right. Yet I've not try. Maybe that's why people think all are the same, whether do good or not good, whether perform or not. How am I going to handle the staff? The seniors hate me so much. I just prayed yesterday- pray for the staff, pray for me to love people, pray for every staff to be blessed; yet now today I experience such unpleasant thing. What is God trying to do? He's meaning something with me. Pray and see changes- trials and fruits? Or don't pray let it go off naturally- no impact- complacent?
Anyhow, I'm standing firm in hIs Word, yes He is working. All things work for good for those who love Him. As long as I do according to His Spirit, His Wisdom, have faith things will change. Oh Lord, help me!
Monday, July 03, 2006
Fly again...
3rd July 2006,
5.48pm, Monday. Yes, I'm flying again- locally, next week to KL for PENSMA conference, followed by another week to Kuching. People said my job is so nice able to travel, yes indeed. Time to relax and out from work, to explore other places, meeting new people. How blessed. Plan to meet up wth old classmates.
Testimony Sunday. I guess EPCC is the only church with Testimony Sunday, and Fathering Pastor Conference. Our church believes in being instrument for God to touch community, nations and to the world. That can be reflect through our commitment in Missions, in Urban Street Outreach, and a lot other community outreach. To know God and make God known throughout the world. Making Jesus the Virtual reality. One time Ps. shared: God is going to do something great in EPCC, taking EPCC to a greater heights..he encouraged us to grasp and catch the vision and flow alongside, to jump in the flow, whether you want it or not, it's gonna come...and yes, indeed true, it's coming. God's annointing is here, so real in EPCC, it's here. How are we response? Those that running and jumping into the flow will just experience the wonderful things, how about those that lag behind?
A question to myself- how have I positioning myself? Hv I jumped in and get into the move? Or am I lagging behind? If I'm lagging behind- then, will I ever able to get in the track again? Mission trip to Nepal has closed- that is so awesome, to see EPCCian so excited to answer the call to reach the unreached- to the far end of the earth. I was contemplating whether to sign up when the church announce on the mission trip- and now it's close. It just dawn upon me that the opportunity will pass very fast if you don't grap it. Time passed- seize the day, seize the opportunity. If there's any tuck in your heart of doing something for God, don't just think and think and think, wait and wait and wait- just jump in the boat, believing God is the one that heed the rowing- He will guide the way.
Am I lagging behind? Move on, believing God will able to give 2nd chance. He will never fail to give us more opportunity. Get the right heart- be obedience to the call He has for you.
5.48pm, Monday. Yes, I'm flying again- locally, next week to KL for PENSMA conference, followed by another week to Kuching. People said my job is so nice able to travel, yes indeed. Time to relax and out from work, to explore other places, meeting new people. How blessed. Plan to meet up wth old classmates.
Testimony Sunday. I guess EPCC is the only church with Testimony Sunday, and Fathering Pastor Conference. Our church believes in being instrument for God to touch community, nations and to the world. That can be reflect through our commitment in Missions, in Urban Street Outreach, and a lot other community outreach. To know God and make God known throughout the world. Making Jesus the Virtual reality. One time Ps. shared: God is going to do something great in EPCC, taking EPCC to a greater heights..he encouraged us to grasp and catch the vision and flow alongside, to jump in the flow, whether you want it or not, it's gonna come...and yes, indeed true, it's coming. God's annointing is here, so real in EPCC, it's here. How are we response? Those that running and jumping into the flow will just experience the wonderful things, how about those that lag behind?
A question to myself- how have I positioning myself? Hv I jumped in and get into the move? Or am I lagging behind? If I'm lagging behind- then, will I ever able to get in the track again? Mission trip to Nepal has closed- that is so awesome, to see EPCCian so excited to answer the call to reach the unreached- to the far end of the earth. I was contemplating whether to sign up when the church announce on the mission trip- and now it's close. It just dawn upon me that the opportunity will pass very fast if you don't grap it. Time passed- seize the day, seize the opportunity. If there's any tuck in your heart of doing something for God, don't just think and think and think, wait and wait and wait- just jump in the boat, believing God is the one that heed the rowing- He will guide the way.
Am I lagging behind? Move on, believing God will able to give 2nd chance. He will never fail to give us more opportunity. Get the right heart- be obedience to the call He has for you.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Over and over again, ...You shower Your Love..
29th June 2006,
Yeah, end of June now. This morning got my payslip, 1/2 month bonus up, cool! Praise God. Next month will be Union discussion. Even though I'm not consider Union member, but if any positive discussion will give benefit to the Management staff as well. I hope that I will be qualify for the pay adjustment, not too sure, coz I'm by contract, so my basic will be the same every year for 3 years.
Just now Benji smsed me, invite me to attend CG tomorrow- will be held at Mawar. Hmmm, one thing I admire about Benji is his willingness, his passion for God's things. Even with his tight schedule, shift work- he will tried to make it for church, for prayer meet, for cell. It's always encouraging to know such passion, standing strong during heavy storm- hanging on to God whatever it takes, a childlike heart to trust God. Benji shared- God gonna do something great in the Cell. Yeah, he has the passion for cell, for people, to take up the Desa-U group when Eric and Matt's away. Holding the fork, standing in the frontline, willing to take the challenge, and allowing God to use him. I felt pretty ashamed of myself, never want to contribute anything for His Kingdom. Always giving excuses. Afraid to commit, afraid to draw near.
I'm always focusing on the weakness, not the strength, the negative and not the positive, the past and not the future- then how am I going to move on? Even with that Daddy still so patiently awaiting, over and over again- He shower His love upon me, like rian from above, He shower His love on me. Thank you Daddy, for bearing with me, patient with all my rebels, gracious and merciful with my undeserving and wretched behaviours. You're so worthy, so so worthy, no one compares to You, no one compares to You, Daddy. You're just so great. Thank You, thank You!
Yeah, end of June now. This morning got my payslip, 1/2 month bonus up, cool! Praise God. Next month will be Union discussion. Even though I'm not consider Union member, but if any positive discussion will give benefit to the Management staff as well. I hope that I will be qualify for the pay adjustment, not too sure, coz I'm by contract, so my basic will be the same every year for 3 years.
Just now Benji smsed me, invite me to attend CG tomorrow- will be held at Mawar. Hmmm, one thing I admire about Benji is his willingness, his passion for God's things. Even with his tight schedule, shift work- he will tried to make it for church, for prayer meet, for cell. It's always encouraging to know such passion, standing strong during heavy storm- hanging on to God whatever it takes, a childlike heart to trust God. Benji shared- God gonna do something great in the Cell. Yeah, he has the passion for cell, for people, to take up the Desa-U group when Eric and Matt's away. Holding the fork, standing in the frontline, willing to take the challenge, and allowing God to use him. I felt pretty ashamed of myself, never want to contribute anything for His Kingdom. Always giving excuses. Afraid to commit, afraid to draw near.
I'm always focusing on the weakness, not the strength, the negative and not the positive, the past and not the future- then how am I going to move on? Even with that Daddy still so patiently awaiting, over and over again- He shower His love upon me, like rian from above, He shower His love on me. Thank you Daddy, for bearing with me, patient with all my rebels, gracious and merciful with my undeserving and wretched behaviours. You're so worthy, so so worthy, no one compares to You, no one compares to You, Daddy. You're just so great. Thank You, thank You!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
June...
28th June 2006,
5.48pm in the office. Have not been writting my blog for a month plus. Nothing much to share. Work is alright, but has been quite routine. Charmine has left, further her study- doing Master in Pharmacy in USM. She has been great colleague, I appreciate her so much, a nice person, pleasant attitude, and eager to learn and to work her best. Too bad she's attached, or else wanna introduce to Marcus:P
As for June, nothing really much. I felt as my life has been fleeting away. Has announced to my Cell that I'm officially released to go other CGs. Many had asked which cell that I planned to join? I have no idea, I really don't know which one. Have been taking long time to float around, and it's really not good, not healthy spiritually. I've been going out a lot with others- A2J, Zionist, those that I'm familiar with, but...I guess it's just not enough, there's just something lacking there. Well, I know I got to do something, not just let time pass and fly away, wasting every moments. Yet, I just don't wanna do anything, allowing the time to drag and passed and on and on. It's really a waste. I searching, wandering what I'm doing? What I'm actually doing right now? Have I been a good steward for Christ? No! I'm not. Have I been a good boss, a testimony to the rest, and point others to Jesus? No, I've not, Have I been a good daughter? No! I'm not.... Pastor's message past few weeks is really good- being son before being a Father. Learn to be sons and daughters FIRST. That's the first call. And the knocking is there, knock knock, my Heavenly Daddy is knocking at the door of my heart each day. It's just me, whether am I ready to let Him in?
Benji's daddy just passed away couple days ago. I'm so shock by the news, a day after Fathers' Day, and a day after we have dinner together. The funeral was solemn, I can feel his heart hurting, I can identify with his feeling, I really can, but I really don't know what to do. We can't do anything, but just pray and stand by him. Thats' all we can do. I miss daddy so much. Reflect back the time of his last breath. Seem so tough outside, but inside just broken, yet life goes on. Yeah, all things work for good for those who loves God, who has been called according to His plan and promises. Yet at this point, I still wonder...what is Your good plan for me? Yes, I know You are good, always good, but wht's next?
Esther smsed and emailed me last week, She want to include me in the intercessors list on the Sri Lanka trip. Oh Gosh...I told her, well..I can pray, but to intercede again? I'm jsut not sure. Anyway, yes...I've agreed to pray and uphold the whole team during their Sri Lanka trip. I guess the Lord is challenging me. Minister to Him before Man, and probably this is where I've lack. I wanna fall in love with Him again....But, ...oh Shirley, there's no "but"....just do it, fall in love with Him again, allow Him to touch you, to pamper you, to love you, receive that love- the love of the everlasting Father...even all may failed but His love Never fails, Never!
5.48pm in the office. Have not been writting my blog for a month plus. Nothing much to share. Work is alright, but has been quite routine. Charmine has left, further her study- doing Master in Pharmacy in USM. She has been great colleague, I appreciate her so much, a nice person, pleasant attitude, and eager to learn and to work her best. Too bad she's attached, or else wanna introduce to Marcus:P
As for June, nothing really much. I felt as my life has been fleeting away. Has announced to my Cell that I'm officially released to go other CGs. Many had asked which cell that I planned to join? I have no idea, I really don't know which one. Have been taking long time to float around, and it's really not good, not healthy spiritually. I've been going out a lot with others- A2J, Zionist, those that I'm familiar with, but...I guess it's just not enough, there's just something lacking there. Well, I know I got to do something, not just let time pass and fly away, wasting every moments. Yet, I just don't wanna do anything, allowing the time to drag and passed and on and on. It's really a waste. I searching, wandering what I'm doing? What I'm actually doing right now? Have I been a good steward for Christ? No! I'm not. Have I been a good boss, a testimony to the rest, and point others to Jesus? No, I've not, Have I been a good daughter? No! I'm not.... Pastor's message past few weeks is really good- being son before being a Father. Learn to be sons and daughters FIRST. That's the first call. And the knocking is there, knock knock, my Heavenly Daddy is knocking at the door of my heart each day. It's just me, whether am I ready to let Him in?
Benji's daddy just passed away couple days ago. I'm so shock by the news, a day after Fathers' Day, and a day after we have dinner together. The funeral was solemn, I can feel his heart hurting, I can identify with his feeling, I really can, but I really don't know what to do. We can't do anything, but just pray and stand by him. Thats' all we can do. I miss daddy so much. Reflect back the time of his last breath. Seem so tough outside, but inside just broken, yet life goes on. Yeah, all things work for good for those who loves God, who has been called according to His plan and promises. Yet at this point, I still wonder...what is Your good plan for me? Yes, I know You are good, always good, but wht's next?
Esther smsed and emailed me last week, She want to include me in the intercessors list on the Sri Lanka trip. Oh Gosh...I told her, well..I can pray, but to intercede again? I'm jsut not sure. Anyway, yes...I've agreed to pray and uphold the whole team during their Sri Lanka trip. I guess the Lord is challenging me. Minister to Him before Man, and probably this is where I've lack. I wanna fall in love with Him again....But, ...oh Shirley, there's no "but"....just do it, fall in love with Him again, allow Him to touch you, to pamper you, to love you, receive that love- the love of the everlasting Father...even all may failed but His love Never fails, Never!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Wednesday...Pretty normal
24th May 2006,
5.22pm. Wednesday- pretty normal. Work is routine. Nothing exciting, dealing with sales and doctors, get a hang of it. Quite alright, ups and downs. Just have to be more focus on the changing in HOC- waiting for Management to give me new space for expansion.
Today not feeling well, got headache. Menses has been over yet not feeling good. Wonder why. Yeah, pharmacist also can get sick- then sick don't wanna take medicine. Tomorrow will be watching Da Vinci Code for the 2nd time. Not pretty like the show, too much of historical inputs, kinda confusing. Maybe this second time will able to understand more.
Oh dear headache, got to go- not much to write. Going off...write soon!
5.22pm. Wednesday- pretty normal. Work is routine. Nothing exciting, dealing with sales and doctors, get a hang of it. Quite alright, ups and downs. Just have to be more focus on the changing in HOC- waiting for Management to give me new space for expansion.
Today not feeling well, got headache. Menses has been over yet not feeling good. Wonder why. Yeah, pharmacist also can get sick- then sick don't wanna take medicine. Tomorrow will be watching Da Vinci Code for the 2nd time. Not pretty like the show, too much of historical inputs, kinda confusing. Maybe this second time will able to understand more.
Oh dear headache, got to go- not much to write. Going off...write soon!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Singapore Trip
23th May 2006,
6.22pm Tues. 2 days back from Singapore. Basically the trip was really exciting and challenging. Working with Singaporean and getting to know their culture and environment, opens up my perspective. Singapore is a nice place to work- with it's systematic, fast pace and higher standrad environement.
I was attached to National Cencer Centre for a week. First day itself seem to be lonely, don't know much people, difficult to connect. Meet up with Olivia and Pentium, seen Pentium's wife. Got the news that Olivia is 4 months pregnant. Hmm...good to catch up. Life goes on, learning the system, learning the skill and technique. Getting to know what the Pharmacist in Sinpaore does. Very much motivating.
Did something brave- exploring Nite Safari on my own, shopping and venturing the area all by myself. Sometimes just feel, wah...am so tough- daring to explore lat night. Nothing much to share here- basically I'm not a person that love to travel and explore new things, I'm more the the homely type- but my job sometimes require me to travel for seminar. I don't mind travelling with frens but not alone. This trip has taught me to learn to enjoy the things I do alone. And probably yes, and I got to learn that. Sometimes, there are things that can be enjoyed doing alone, and there are some with frens.
At this season- I'm learning to handle loneliness. Yeah, Loneliness...I did shared with mum, sometimes, many times- there're this void, loneliness, just couldn't explain it. Never felt it before, it's more crucial at this season. Probably is the distance from God, distance from the fellowships...or it's normal, or is it normal natural thing that most people will surely go thru'...well, I really don't know. People said- Seek God, let God fills you, He complete the void and He satisfied. I understand that, I know...yet it isn't easy for me now. What should I do? How shoudl I positioning myself? Pray, just pray? Just pray..that's the only thing you can possibly do, wait on God, pray- open eye big big, and be yourself. Yeah...another: Delight yourself in the Lord for He will grant you the desire of your heart. That's the first thing to do, to delight in Him, to be satisfied in Him first, and seek Him first- then the rest be added...
Oh Lord, how far I've wander away from You- how far I've been running, and toasting and banging and falling, up and down. How long? How far? So many things Lord- I've gone off too far, can You still rescue me? Too many dirt, a filthy rags I am....how to delight in You Lord? Help me, rekindle that fire again.
6.22pm Tues. 2 days back from Singapore. Basically the trip was really exciting and challenging. Working with Singaporean and getting to know their culture and environment, opens up my perspective. Singapore is a nice place to work- with it's systematic, fast pace and higher standrad environement.
I was attached to National Cencer Centre for a week. First day itself seem to be lonely, don't know much people, difficult to connect. Meet up with Olivia and Pentium, seen Pentium's wife. Got the news that Olivia is 4 months pregnant. Hmm...good to catch up. Life goes on, learning the system, learning the skill and technique. Getting to know what the Pharmacist in Sinpaore does. Very much motivating.
Did something brave- exploring Nite Safari on my own, shopping and venturing the area all by myself. Sometimes just feel, wah...am so tough- daring to explore lat night. Nothing much to share here- basically I'm not a person that love to travel and explore new things, I'm more the the homely type- but my job sometimes require me to travel for seminar. I don't mind travelling with frens but not alone. This trip has taught me to learn to enjoy the things I do alone. And probably yes, and I got to learn that. Sometimes, there are things that can be enjoyed doing alone, and there are some with frens.
At this season- I'm learning to handle loneliness. Yeah, Loneliness...I did shared with mum, sometimes, many times- there're this void, loneliness, just couldn't explain it. Never felt it before, it's more crucial at this season. Probably is the distance from God, distance from the fellowships...or it's normal, or is it normal natural thing that most people will surely go thru'...well, I really don't know. People said- Seek God, let God fills you, He complete the void and He satisfied. I understand that, I know...yet it isn't easy for me now. What should I do? How shoudl I positioning myself? Pray, just pray? Just pray..that's the only thing you can possibly do, wait on God, pray- open eye big big, and be yourself. Yeah...another: Delight yourself in the Lord for He will grant you the desire of your heart. That's the first thing to do, to delight in Him, to be satisfied in Him first, and seek Him first- then the rest be added...
Oh Lord, how far I've wander away from You- how far I've been running, and toasting and banging and falling, up and down. How long? How far? So many things Lord- I've gone off too far, can You still rescue me? Too many dirt, a filthy rags I am....how to delight in You Lord? Help me, rekindle that fire again.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Changi Airport...Going Back
20th May 2006,
It's Saturday 3pm, I'm at Changi Airport...has been a week in Singapore, what an experience. Wow, miss home, miss Malaysia. Singapore experience has been good, learn so much in NCC. Going a lot places- but all by myself, explore my own. Went to Nite Safari, coz everyone asked me to try..well, not bad, but...kinda dark, can't able to capture much picture there. They don't allow to snap with flash, but without flash picture can't be clear.
Experience in NCC is just priceless. I learned a lot on their system and workflow. They had 4 pharmcist, plus Lita will be 5's in Onco unit and another 4 more I guess is in Retail. The pharmacist there pretty busy, with a lot work...wow, I have a lot things in plan for my Onco Unit, hopefully I'll able to make use of what I learn and apply it and improve t in my setting...
Gee...got to get going, dun wanna miss flight. Talk soon. Will post many picture soon. Ta...
It's Saturday 3pm, I'm at Changi Airport...has been a week in Singapore, what an experience. Wow, miss home, miss Malaysia. Singapore experience has been good, learn so much in NCC. Going a lot places- but all by myself, explore my own. Went to Nite Safari, coz everyone asked me to try..well, not bad, but...kinda dark, can't able to capture much picture there. They don't allow to snap with flash, but without flash picture can't be clear.
Experience in NCC is just priceless. I learned a lot on their system and workflow. They had 4 pharmcist, plus Lita will be 5's in Onco unit and another 4 more I guess is in Retail. The pharmacist there pretty busy, with a lot work...wow, I have a lot things in plan for my Onco Unit, hopefully I'll able to make use of what I learn and apply it and improve t in my setting...
Gee...got to get going, dun wanna miss flight. Talk soon. Will post many picture soon. Ta...
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Love is in the Air..
9th May 2006,
6.10pm Tuesday evening. In the hospital- tomorrow Ms Tan on leave, I'll be bz. Nothing much to write in the blog. Another wedding just over- Jo's wedding, she's definately so blessed. Hmm...love is in the air, lovely lovely lovely. How is my love life progressing? Wondering- always like the wrong guy- it just doesn't work. One hand clapping don't make any sound. It just doesn't work- got to move on, just move on. Appreciate what is in front, treasure and enjoy the friendship around. Press on and not afraid to love again. Dance like no one is watching, and love as never get hurt.
Lonely but never alone. Take up the promises. Live up a purposeful life- enjoy the singleood. Trusting God will provide. Amen!
6.10pm Tuesday evening. In the hospital- tomorrow Ms Tan on leave, I'll be bz. Nothing much to write in the blog. Another wedding just over- Jo's wedding, she's definately so blessed. Hmm...love is in the air, lovely lovely lovely. How is my love life progressing? Wondering- always like the wrong guy- it just doesn't work. One hand clapping don't make any sound. It just doesn't work- got to move on, just move on. Appreciate what is in front, treasure and enjoy the friendship around. Press on and not afraid to love again. Dance like no one is watching, and love as never get hurt.
Lonely but never alone. Take up the promises. Live up a purposeful life- enjoy the singleood. Trusting God will provide. Amen!
01-02-03-04-05-06
9th May 2006,
Wow, it's May. Time flies, indeed time flies. Recapturing back May 4th- I'm aging...Oh dear, I dislike thinking on my birthday approaching, yucks..I'm growing old :( sob sob. 01-02-03-04-05-06 is the countdown for me, but to be exact my birthday is 1.55am 4th of May 19xx...got to hide my birth-year hahaha....
I was on-leave that day. Went out morning 9am-7pm, first bought a newspaper- went to Mc-D, order my Mc-D breakfast and eat, and read...tadaaa...times up, 9.45am, cool..on my way to Prangin Mall. The shops still closed, and I'm just lepakking around the area, without plan, without focus, just loitering around. Then shops open- goodie goodie...shop shop, try this and that. Ooops, this is too tight, not good. Here, this is cool, I look gorgeous, spend spend spend. Then, reach eraing shop- yeah...:) I finally pierce my 2nd earlobe holes. Pain pain, but pretty pretty- looks wild. Cool. Then I went to Montage Hair Style at Pelita- hightlight hair, copper red, charge me RM125. Never ever spend that money on my hair...it's just a hair, why wanna spend so much? Wah...Shirley know how to pamper herself now. Looks cool, looks good.
That's my day. Spending, loitering, enjoying the exploration. Nite- Had dinner with the group- Roland, Marcus, Helena, Felix..my good buddy. Quite happy...
Nothing much also, a reflection of my 2x over years on the earth, how that I accomplished in this race that i run. Am I running well- the way I should be running, not beating the air, not in vain? Else the Christ death will be in vain- He paid the price for me, how should I live?
Wow, it's May. Time flies, indeed time flies. Recapturing back May 4th- I'm aging...Oh dear, I dislike thinking on my birthday approaching, yucks..I'm growing old :( sob sob. 01-02-03-04-05-06 is the countdown for me, but to be exact my birthday is 1.55am 4th of May 19xx...got to hide my birth-year hahaha....
I was on-leave that day. Went out morning 9am-7pm, first bought a newspaper- went to Mc-D, order my Mc-D breakfast and eat, and read...tadaaa...times up, 9.45am, cool..on my way to Prangin Mall. The shops still closed, and I'm just lepakking around the area, without plan, without focus, just loitering around. Then shops open- goodie goodie...shop shop, try this and that. Ooops, this is too tight, not good. Here, this is cool, I look gorgeous, spend spend spend. Then, reach eraing shop- yeah...:) I finally pierce my 2nd earlobe holes. Pain pain, but pretty pretty- looks wild. Cool. Then I went to Montage Hair Style at Pelita- hightlight hair, copper red, charge me RM125. Never ever spend that money on my hair...it's just a hair, why wanna spend so much? Wah...Shirley know how to pamper herself now. Looks cool, looks good.
That's my day. Spending, loitering, enjoying the exploration. Nite- Had dinner with the group- Roland, Marcus, Helena, Felix..my good buddy. Quite happy...
Nothing much also, a reflection of my 2x over years on the earth, how that I accomplished in this race that i run. Am I running well- the way I should be running, not beating the air, not in vain? Else the Christ death will be in vain- He paid the price for me, how should I live?
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Home Alone
2th May 2006,
7.00pm Tuesday. Login for blogging. Just back from Fitness Studio. Doing threadmill and roller and cycling. Didn't really sweat. I think I sweat more in Hilton than this one. But it's okiela, Harvey accompany me there- he's thnking of joining, and asked me to join. But fees too high, RM120 a month, and to commit for 6 mths, I don't think I can afford. Even if I can afford, I don't think I will want to spend such money on gym, where exercise can actually do it naturally- hike or jog around, or swim. Sunnyville swimming pool only go once a while, not even once a month. Hmm...better not involve this, even tho' sort of tempting, when frens asked- to join and tone the muscle. Hmm...dunno lah. Getting fatter and fatter it seems, quite lazy and stale. Must find something challenging to do, or else will become piglet, stay home and eat and linger around- very not effective.
Mum has been away for few days, since last week, she'll be away for 10days, so 10 days I'll be home alone, sleeping in the queen size bed, cook on own, alone. Too used to mum being around me, don't seem to feel lonely without a partner, now...can sense the difference with her absence. Yeah...miss mum.
7.15pm, still in hospital- will go off after this blog. Go back not sure wht to eat, maybe will cook for myself spaghetti, yucks...that reminds me of the stories of the Pr. sermon. Pasta- wow, very rich. After workout eat again- how to loose weight? Hangat hangat tahi ayam only...aduh Shirley. Looking at the mirror, the reflection of Shirley- hmm....fatty fatty boom boom. Aduh, how how how- how to kill that fats? :( sucks. Got to increase my metabolism. Keep going Shirley, you can do it.
Home alone. Mum in Johor with sis, went to Singapore last 2 days. This moring conversation seems very interesting. Sister likes to travel- bringing mum around- Sentosa Island, Orchard Road, etc...wow, I not ven been to Singapore. Will be going out of Malaysia for the first time this coming 14th. Ohh....a bit scary tho' all alone, not so adventurous. Shirley Shirley- as if kampung girl masuk city only...aduh!...Hmm...hope things be good. Hmm, alright la, time's up. Going off now. Blessed day!
7.00pm Tuesday. Login for blogging. Just back from Fitness Studio. Doing threadmill and roller and cycling. Didn't really sweat. I think I sweat more in Hilton than this one. But it's okiela, Harvey accompany me there- he's thnking of joining, and asked me to join. But fees too high, RM120 a month, and to commit for 6 mths, I don't think I can afford. Even if I can afford, I don't think I will want to spend such money on gym, where exercise can actually do it naturally- hike or jog around, or swim. Sunnyville swimming pool only go once a while, not even once a month. Hmm...better not involve this, even tho' sort of tempting, when frens asked- to join and tone the muscle. Hmm...dunno lah. Getting fatter and fatter it seems, quite lazy and stale. Must find something challenging to do, or else will become piglet, stay home and eat and linger around- very not effective.
Mum has been away for few days, since last week, she'll be away for 10days, so 10 days I'll be home alone, sleeping in the queen size bed, cook on own, alone. Too used to mum being around me, don't seem to feel lonely without a partner, now...can sense the difference with her absence. Yeah...miss mum.
7.15pm, still in hospital- will go off after this blog. Go back not sure wht to eat, maybe will cook for myself spaghetti, yucks...that reminds me of the stories of the Pr. sermon. Pasta- wow, very rich. After workout eat again- how to loose weight? Hangat hangat tahi ayam only...aduh Shirley. Looking at the mirror, the reflection of Shirley- hmm....fatty fatty boom boom. Aduh, how how how- how to kill that fats? :( sucks. Got to increase my metabolism. Keep going Shirley, you can do it.
Home alone. Mum in Johor with sis, went to Singapore last 2 days. This moring conversation seems very interesting. Sister likes to travel- bringing mum around- Sentosa Island, Orchard Road, etc...wow, I not ven been to Singapore. Will be going out of Malaysia for the first time this coming 14th. Ohh....a bit scary tho' all alone, not so adventurous. Shirley Shirley- as if kampung girl masuk city only...aduh!...Hmm...hope things be good. Hmm, alright la, time's up. Going off now. Blessed day!
Monday, April 24, 2006
Covenantal Conspiracy
24th April 2006,
5.59pm Monday, after work, waiting for Procare to starting printing report, system too slow. Wonder the report printing will reduce the speed of the system. Gonna change system soon- can't wait, excited yet quite fearful- surely a lot of unexpected problems. Got to be ready for that. Today is okie, had dinner with Harvey- he belanja me eat Japanese food- more than a hundred ringgit bills. Sweet talker, I'm playing a fool with him, he challenge to pay registration for Fitness First Centre if I can consistently doing exercise there- can't believe what he said- cakap kosong- pretty unfruitful.
Charmine back from her long holidays, don't have the time to talk to her- she gonna resign soon, her last day will be 28th June, not sure how she's feeling. Magdalene should be doing well. Hope so, am always concious of how I have been as a boss to them- whether am doing well, or wht's the expectation of others on me. Yeah, talking about expectation- just a few days ago, a ffiend of mine just giving me some remarks on how I hv put high expectation on others. I admit that I do, and I learn from it, see through ones strength and not the weaknesses. Do to others how others do to you, am I wanting others to put expectation on me? If not, I should not have expect others.
Saturday service was great. Pr message was so strong- about the Covenantal Conspiracy, taken from Amos 8:11-14
11 "The days are coming," declares the Sovereign LORD, "when I will send a famine through the land—not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.
12 Men will stagger from sea to sea and wander from north to east, searching for the word of the LORD, but they will not find it.
13 "In that day "the lovely young women and strong young men will faint because of thirst.
14 They who swear by the shame [b] of Samaria, or say, 'As surely as your god lives, O Dan,' or, 'As surely as the god [c] of Beersheba lives'— they will fall, never to rise again."
It struck my heart. We have been taking the Word of God so lightly, the love letter of God so lightly- Pr Sam described how's a life of a Bible if it's written in a diary- saddening. How have we wondered from loving His Word? How have we allowing the world to enter in the church? How how have we response in religious hypocrisy in attending church and in serving? Will it come a time- the Lord will take away His Word from us? Not a famine of food or thirst of water, but a famine of the hearing of the Word of God. Will there be a time, when we search for His Word, His saying, and found none? Yes- It's written in the book of Amos. Now that we have His Word, do we wanna wait till it come a time where we seek and can't find His Words- and die of thrist? Spiritual thirst?
Oh Abba Father, forgive me if I've not been loving Your Words, and living out Your Words the way it should. Forgive me for the disobedience of Your commandment, and the deceived of my heart, forgive me for the heart of stone, rejecting Your Words when it's there- available to dispense. Forgive me for the hardenning and critical mindset, rejecting what is good. Help me Lord, Help me to know You are near. Help me to draw nearer to Your Words daily, and Living it out. Not just a hearer Father, but doers of Your Words, able to stand in obedience. Lord....please don't take Your Words away, please don't cause the famine of Your Words, I will never able to bear it, in the time You take it away. Let Your sweet Words be a live to my soul. Where can we go from Your presence Lord, for You hold the Word of eternal life. You are the only One that hold the Word of eternal life, and I thirst for Your Words Lord,,Now..I thirst for You to speak in me Father....Lord, I commit this life to You- help me to grow in love with You again- renew my heart, a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone. Amen!
5.59pm Monday, after work, waiting for Procare to starting printing report, system too slow. Wonder the report printing will reduce the speed of the system. Gonna change system soon- can't wait, excited yet quite fearful- surely a lot of unexpected problems. Got to be ready for that. Today is okie, had dinner with Harvey- he belanja me eat Japanese food- more than a hundred ringgit bills. Sweet talker, I'm playing a fool with him, he challenge to pay registration for Fitness First Centre if I can consistently doing exercise there- can't believe what he said- cakap kosong- pretty unfruitful.
Charmine back from her long holidays, don't have the time to talk to her- she gonna resign soon, her last day will be 28th June, not sure how she's feeling. Magdalene should be doing well. Hope so, am always concious of how I have been as a boss to them- whether am doing well, or wht's the expectation of others on me. Yeah, talking about expectation- just a few days ago, a ffiend of mine just giving me some remarks on how I hv put high expectation on others. I admit that I do, and I learn from it, see through ones strength and not the weaknesses. Do to others how others do to you, am I wanting others to put expectation on me? If not, I should not have expect others.
Saturday service was great. Pr message was so strong- about the Covenantal Conspiracy, taken from Amos 8:11-14
11 "The days are coming," declares the Sovereign LORD, "when I will send a famine through the land—not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.
12 Men will stagger from sea to sea and wander from north to east, searching for the word of the LORD, but they will not find it.
13 "In that day "the lovely young women and strong young men will faint because of thirst.
14 They who swear by the shame [b] of Samaria, or say, 'As surely as your god lives, O Dan,' or, 'As surely as the god [c] of Beersheba lives'— they will fall, never to rise again."
It struck my heart. We have been taking the Word of God so lightly, the love letter of God so lightly- Pr Sam described how's a life of a Bible if it's written in a diary- saddening. How have we wondered from loving His Word? How have we allowing the world to enter in the church? How how have we response in religious hypocrisy in attending church and in serving? Will it come a time- the Lord will take away His Word from us? Not a famine of food or thirst of water, but a famine of the hearing of the Word of God. Will there be a time, when we search for His Word, His saying, and found none? Yes- It's written in the book of Amos. Now that we have His Word, do we wanna wait till it come a time where we seek and can't find His Words- and die of thrist? Spiritual thirst?
Oh Abba Father, forgive me if I've not been loving Your Words, and living out Your Words the way it should. Forgive me for the disobedience of Your commandment, and the deceived of my heart, forgive me for the heart of stone, rejecting Your Words when it's there- available to dispense. Forgive me for the hardenning and critical mindset, rejecting what is good. Help me Lord, Help me to know You are near. Help me to draw nearer to Your Words daily, and Living it out. Not just a hearer Father, but doers of Your Words, able to stand in obedience. Lord....please don't take Your Words away, please don't cause the famine of Your Words, I will never able to bear it, in the time You take it away. Let Your sweet Words be a live to my soul. Where can we go from Your presence Lord, for You hold the Word of eternal life. You are the only One that hold the Word of eternal life, and I thirst for Your Words Lord,,Now..I thirst for You to speak in me Father....Lord, I commit this life to You- help me to grow in love with You again- renew my heart, a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone. Amen!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I'm held by Your Love, I'm held by Your strength
19th April 2006,
5.36pm- Wednesday evening, in the office. Has been a while didn't write blog, since PH till now. Work has been usual, Charmine and Toh still on-leave. Just had Department Meeting, still insufficient staff. Nothing much about work, had lunch with Lem (Merck), and Serene. Waiting to go Singapore another few weeks time, haven't make passport. Got to make time do to it, or else my HR will kill me:P
Yesterday went for MLM, Million Leaders Mandate, a course conducted for all leaders. Our church has been good- always wanting to equip and develop the leaders. Ps. Sam is a visionary man, planning and strategising for future expansion. The traning was conducted by Un. Daniel, with his hoarse voice he still able to pull through delivering the message. The topic on Leader's Heart. Interesting. During discussion time I'm sort of award, when people sharing about what is the excuses on not in the leadership, etc. I just don't know how to share. Stepping down in leadership..yeah, Eric must really have hard time bearing with me. Now I've not been actively involving in Cell, just a normal attender, and in search of new cell. Many asked me, which cell I'm going to join? I've no idea, don't know how to answer them. Marcus approached me asked me to consider joining them, to help in mentoring the members, more of support. I appreciate that he still remember the Shirley before...but, well..I don't think A2J or Zion will be in my shopping list, well, dunno maybe will, maybe not, but most probably not. The fellowship is great, I'm quite attached and close with the members, yet something within me is yeilding for more, more than a fellowship- I want more than a fellowship, that's wht I know....wht is that? If not fellowship- which other cell can offer? What did you want, Shirley? I'm asking myself. I really don't know- Words, Works, something that can bang in my Spirit that I can be passionate again? Seriousness? ...does it means Desa-U and A2J or Zion not serious? How serious you want? I'm asking myself. I want to some different environment to grow, to grow again. Attaching back to any of the groups will never let me grow..that's wht I think....
I was just like a free bird now, flying and wandering around- soaring up and down, a lonely tiny little bird, searching for more. But I know He has something for me, I'm assured of that- that I'm held by His Love, I'm held by His strength...Pray with me, those who read my blog- that I will able to find a place, to serve with joy, to minister to Him and to people, and to grow in Him in Grace....
After MLM, had supper with Roland and Yueh Nee, we discussed about relationship again- I was saying to them- yeah, am waiting for God to drop one from the sky, God willing. Exploring the possibilities- Roland suggested a few from EPCC, hmmm.....seems hopeless, yet I have the "living" hope in Him, Amen for that! :PP
5.36pm- Wednesday evening, in the office. Has been a while didn't write blog, since PH till now. Work has been usual, Charmine and Toh still on-leave. Just had Department Meeting, still insufficient staff. Nothing much about work, had lunch with Lem (Merck), and Serene. Waiting to go Singapore another few weeks time, haven't make passport. Got to make time do to it, or else my HR will kill me:P
Yesterday went for MLM, Million Leaders Mandate, a course conducted for all leaders. Our church has been good- always wanting to equip and develop the leaders. Ps. Sam is a visionary man, planning and strategising for future expansion. The traning was conducted by Un. Daniel, with his hoarse voice he still able to pull through delivering the message. The topic on Leader's Heart. Interesting. During discussion time I'm sort of award, when people sharing about what is the excuses on not in the leadership, etc. I just don't know how to share. Stepping down in leadership..yeah, Eric must really have hard time bearing with me. Now I've not been actively involving in Cell, just a normal attender, and in search of new cell. Many asked me, which cell I'm going to join? I've no idea, don't know how to answer them. Marcus approached me asked me to consider joining them, to help in mentoring the members, more of support. I appreciate that he still remember the Shirley before...but, well..I don't think A2J or Zion will be in my shopping list, well, dunno maybe will, maybe not, but most probably not. The fellowship is great, I'm quite attached and close with the members, yet something within me is yeilding for more, more than a fellowship- I want more than a fellowship, that's wht I know....wht is that? If not fellowship- which other cell can offer? What did you want, Shirley? I'm asking myself. I really don't know- Words, Works, something that can bang in my Spirit that I can be passionate again? Seriousness? ...does it means Desa-U and A2J or Zion not serious? How serious you want? I'm asking myself. I want to some different environment to grow, to grow again. Attaching back to any of the groups will never let me grow..that's wht I think....
I was just like a free bird now, flying and wandering around- soaring up and down, a lonely tiny little bird, searching for more. But I know He has something for me, I'm assured of that- that I'm held by His Love, I'm held by His strength...Pray with me, those who read my blog- that I will able to find a place, to serve with joy, to minister to Him and to people, and to grow in Him in Grace....
After MLM, had supper with Roland and Yueh Nee, we discussed about relationship again- I was saying to them- yeah, am waiting for God to drop one from the sky, God willing. Exploring the possibilities- Roland suggested a few from EPCC, hmmm.....seems hopeless, yet I have the "living" hope in Him, Amen for that! :PP
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Resting PH: Happening and Relaxing
12th April 2006,
6.14pm Wed evening. Still in the office- waiting for Lisa to call to confirm on tonites' dinner venue. Just now management meeting, heard that Mr. Koh's wife met accident, so he went off early- therefore Ivan conduct the meeting. Not much of discussion going on. Matron Teoh, Matron Lim and Dr. George bombarded me to help Casualty on drug dispensing- trying to pressure Pharmacy to open longer hours. Am quiet, don't know how to stand for the department- Thank God Ivan sided me- give a neutral opinion, to think out of box and see things in bigger picture- to evaluate the data, on the cost effectiveness. Pharmacy Department wrking well I guess. Toh brought up an issue on putting more staff during Sunday, is there a need- when they can't furnish me with data? Has been hearing the staff grumbling of stress and high work load. But how about the low time when people are chatting away? Lord- grant me Your wisdom in this matter- hw to resolve this. I plan to do a spot-check this Sunday- will miss the Easter celebration- will attend Saturday service, and Sunday plan to go hospital, see how busy we are.
Yesterday is a PH. Mum joined my friends for Youth Park Hike. Surprisingly, she's so fit, can climb and reach the destination faster than us. She enjoyed herself, yeah... The rest of the group climbed up to Pg Hill, but we did not join. We only reach No-3# and later on hike down to hv breakfast opposite Ping Hwa High school, then later to bank to deposit my cheque, then head back home. Reached home collapsed on the coach, fall asleep in the midst of watching Da Vinci Code by RBC. So tired, wake up have lunch- then bath and continue Da VinciCode- Fact or Fiction. Later on do some paper work on documents for Income Tax, then time's up to fetch Lisa from airport.
7.50pm Airport. Meet up with Lisa- we had dinner at Hakka Mee Stall. Had quite a long chat. To my surprise, Lisa been so opened to me, she shared a lot on her past relationship, on the requirement topray for a life partner. I was so surprise how she can share this personal issue with me even tho' we're quite newly meet. The first question she asked during the dinner: "So..have you meet your Adam?". Oh dear...I was kinda uncomfortable discussion on relationship issue, yet she brought up this personal question. She said that on her way to Penang, she just feel that she wanna share on relationship. I'm not sure- whether is it God sending her to tell me something? Yes, I do praying for a life partner, but am not earnestly pray. Lisa said, you got to earnestly pray and list down your critera to God, so that when the right person come along the way, then God will help you to be sensitive to receive it. I disagree. I have my set of criteria, but to list it down specifically one by one to God- I don't think it's necessary. It's like limiting God and positioning myself in desperate moment. Well, I wonder through am I desperate? What is the level of my desperation? I listen to the DVD by Ps Prince from Singapore about finding right partner- that desperation will bring us to settle for any. Oh No! I don't want to come to the situation which I'm settling for anyone- Tom Dick and Harry, No Lord- He knows my heart. Some of the sharing do ring some truth, in positioning to receive the "Right'" one when it comes, yet the issue of "Right" one..I'm not pretty agree. I don't believe in one and only right one, and when I miss it means I'll get the second best. I believe of God have our best interest at heart, and He will wants to give the best- as compatible to us, when it seems fit- only if we incline to Him. Incline and yeilding to Him, yet be discern and sensitive of His leading and understanding our own self. I don't know- I've been praying, but am I earnestly pray? What's the meaning- earnestly? How earnestly? Everyday bangging on heaven's door and ask God to give me a life partner? No- course not, pray for God to work on the person- in passion and purity, in His right time, we will meet. And let His peace guard my heart- with assurance of His love and promises. I believe God knows best my heart, and I don't think to list down every single details from A-Zs is a good idea- I'm not limiting God, I'm trusting Him, my Abba Father. Sometimes it's not easy, pressure do comes, yet got to surrender the heart. My prayer is Lord, guard my heart- for it's the well spring of life. Let me not simply give my heart to anyone, not anyone- close it tight, and surrender to You, and You will open my heart when it's the right time, to the right person...Right person? Hmm...you know best, I know best, somehow we will know.
After dinner- Lisa joined my frens Bday party at Hidden Cafe- wow, such long table, I think got about 20 over people. I introduce Lisa to Roland, and Marcus sitting beside me, and others. It's Helena's birthday- Felix was around too, but has not been talking to him for long. Am feeling a bit uncomfortable. Has been staying aloof nowadays. Lisa can really talk, she shared a lot spiritual insight with me. We left the place earlier- fetching her back Vistana. She's very happy- keep on thanking me for the hospitality. Well, know a new friend.
6.14pm Wed evening. Still in the office- waiting for Lisa to call to confirm on tonites' dinner venue. Just now management meeting, heard that Mr. Koh's wife met accident, so he went off early- therefore Ivan conduct the meeting. Not much of discussion going on. Matron Teoh, Matron Lim and Dr. George bombarded me to help Casualty on drug dispensing- trying to pressure Pharmacy to open longer hours. Am quiet, don't know how to stand for the department- Thank God Ivan sided me- give a neutral opinion, to think out of box and see things in bigger picture- to evaluate the data, on the cost effectiveness. Pharmacy Department wrking well I guess. Toh brought up an issue on putting more staff during Sunday, is there a need- when they can't furnish me with data? Has been hearing the staff grumbling of stress and high work load. But how about the low time when people are chatting away? Lord- grant me Your wisdom in this matter- hw to resolve this. I plan to do a spot-check this Sunday- will miss the Easter celebration- will attend Saturday service, and Sunday plan to go hospital, see how busy we are.
Yesterday is a PH. Mum joined my friends for Youth Park Hike. Surprisingly, she's so fit, can climb and reach the destination faster than us. She enjoyed herself, yeah... The rest of the group climbed up to Pg Hill, but we did not join. We only reach No-3# and later on hike down to hv breakfast opposite Ping Hwa High school, then later to bank to deposit my cheque, then head back home. Reached home collapsed on the coach, fall asleep in the midst of watching Da Vinci Code by RBC. So tired, wake up have lunch- then bath and continue Da VinciCode- Fact or Fiction. Later on do some paper work on documents for Income Tax, then time's up to fetch Lisa from airport.
7.50pm Airport. Meet up with Lisa- we had dinner at Hakka Mee Stall. Had quite a long chat. To my surprise, Lisa been so opened to me, she shared a lot on her past relationship, on the requirement topray for a life partner. I was so surprise how she can share this personal issue with me even tho' we're quite newly meet. The first question she asked during the dinner: "So..have you meet your Adam?". Oh dear...I was kinda uncomfortable discussion on relationship issue, yet she brought up this personal question. She said that on her way to Penang, she just feel that she wanna share on relationship. I'm not sure- whether is it God sending her to tell me something? Yes, I do praying for a life partner, but am not earnestly pray. Lisa said, you got to earnestly pray and list down your critera to God, so that when the right person come along the way, then God will help you to be sensitive to receive it. I disagree. I have my set of criteria, but to list it down specifically one by one to God- I don't think it's necessary. It's like limiting God and positioning myself in desperate moment. Well, I wonder through am I desperate? What is the level of my desperation? I listen to the DVD by Ps Prince from Singapore about finding right partner- that desperation will bring us to settle for any. Oh No! I don't want to come to the situation which I'm settling for anyone- Tom Dick and Harry, No Lord- He knows my heart. Some of the sharing do ring some truth, in positioning to receive the "Right'" one when it comes, yet the issue of "Right" one..I'm not pretty agree. I don't believe in one and only right one, and when I miss it means I'll get the second best. I believe of God have our best interest at heart, and He will wants to give the best- as compatible to us, when it seems fit- only if we incline to Him. Incline and yeilding to Him, yet be discern and sensitive of His leading and understanding our own self. I don't know- I've been praying, but am I earnestly pray? What's the meaning- earnestly? How earnestly? Everyday bangging on heaven's door and ask God to give me a life partner? No- course not, pray for God to work on the person- in passion and purity, in His right time, we will meet. And let His peace guard my heart- with assurance of His love and promises. I believe God knows best my heart, and I don't think to list down every single details from A-Zs is a good idea- I'm not limiting God, I'm trusting Him, my Abba Father. Sometimes it's not easy, pressure do comes, yet got to surrender the heart. My prayer is Lord, guard my heart- for it's the well spring of life. Let me not simply give my heart to anyone, not anyone- close it tight, and surrender to You, and You will open my heart when it's the right time, to the right person...Right person? Hmm...you know best, I know best, somehow we will know.
After dinner- Lisa joined my frens Bday party at Hidden Cafe- wow, such long table, I think got about 20 over people. I introduce Lisa to Roland, and Marcus sitting beside me, and others. It's Helena's birthday- Felix was around too, but has not been talking to him for long. Am feeling a bit uncomfortable. Has been staying aloof nowadays. Lisa can really talk, she shared a lot spiritual insight with me. We left the place earlier- fetching her back Vistana. She's very happy- keep on thanking me for the hospitality. Well, know a new friend.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
To Hilton with Love...
8th April 2006,
Saturday- 2.20pm half day work. Yesterday was on-leave, wake up 11am, eat and listen to DVD by Ps Kong Hee about Finding Your Right Partner. Sleep again, listen again- almost whole day to finish the 8 CDs. Then evening went to church for Condensed World Mission Course (Chapter 4).
Has been away from work for whole week, Sunday to Friday. ISOPP X is International Symposium of Oncology Pharmacy Practice. It's the 10th International Symposium, usually held it once in 4 years time, and the next one after this will be in Michigan USA. This year held in Asean- Kuala Lumpur. Overall ISOPP X is good- a lot of the topics is very much technical. The participants were from all over the world- from Malaysia to USA, Greece, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Thailand...all over. The topics very much deep, I think my knowledge and practice is not up to date. Overall alright, quite balance. Got to spend time with Ms. Chua from Fatimah Hospital in Ipoh, and got to fellowship with Ms Chen from Adventist. Heard they're getting another Oncologist from Oversea, and starting CDR soon. My Oncologist, Dr Leong also attend the seminar, actually this is meant for Pharmacist but he also join. Later on he asked me a lot abt our current CDR, giving all sort of comments. Well, this Dr talk a lot, I just nod my head and listen to him only. Had some bad experience wth him, but it's just work- overall he's still okie, doctor just doing his job.
My trip in Hilton has been a wonderful. I've done something I never had been doing before, quite bold yet not enough discernment. Not wise, very risky, but my instinct prove me right- it's okie. Some nice memories to capture and I'll remember it. Got to know a friend, going for 2 movies- Shaggy Dog- was really nice- I love it, another Inside Man, okie but a bit deep, can't really appreciate the storyline. I attended Sun evening church- Ps. Jayakumar spoke about Ps 23: 1-4 The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. Also join Cell Group, nice combination of people- lengthy sharing tho'. Wht's the impression- childlike and simple. The lesson shared was on Abunance Blessing from God. What it means to be comple/whole. What does wholeness mean? How are we positioning ourselves to receive the blessing from God? Some shared about John 15, the Vine and branches, a few scriptures on walking with the Spirit. I remember I shared in Cell about this- He increased and we decrease. More of God, more of the Spirit and less of Flesh. How to walk in step with the Spirit. To positioning ourselves for abundance- grace upon grace, the outpouring of blessing God intended for His children. How's our attitude to receive that? Good sharing- we end really late 11.30pm, but ok-lah, quite similar to our CG.
From Sun-Thurs meeting up with Kawai, mixed feeling- a little scare, and happy. Due to my emotion and my deficiency, I'm afraid I will unconciously grow attached to the friendship and spoilt it in the future. Asking the Lord to guard my heart for it's the well spring of life. To keep watch of my steps and action. Thank God for a wonderful friend- yet there're something I need to be careful and aware of- Platonic Relationship, will that be possible between different sexes? I used to think it's possible, but now I don't think so, because somehow someday someone might cross the line.
Hilton will surely be a good memories, and it's saddening to leave and to end, yet- somehow someday my wish and hope that this will remain true and lasting...only if God wills!
Saturday- 2.20pm half day work. Yesterday was on-leave, wake up 11am, eat and listen to DVD by Ps Kong Hee about Finding Your Right Partner. Sleep again, listen again- almost whole day to finish the 8 CDs. Then evening went to church for Condensed World Mission Course (Chapter 4).
Has been away from work for whole week, Sunday to Friday. ISOPP X is International Symposium of Oncology Pharmacy Practice. It's the 10th International Symposium, usually held it once in 4 years time, and the next one after this will be in Michigan USA. This year held in Asean- Kuala Lumpur. Overall ISOPP X is good- a lot of the topics is very much technical. The participants were from all over the world- from Malaysia to USA, Greece, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Thailand...all over. The topics very much deep, I think my knowledge and practice is not up to date. Overall alright, quite balance. Got to spend time with Ms. Chua from Fatimah Hospital in Ipoh, and got to fellowship with Ms Chen from Adventist. Heard they're getting another Oncologist from Oversea, and starting CDR soon. My Oncologist, Dr Leong also attend the seminar, actually this is meant for Pharmacist but he also join. Later on he asked me a lot abt our current CDR, giving all sort of comments. Well, this Dr talk a lot, I just nod my head and listen to him only. Had some bad experience wth him, but it's just work- overall he's still okie, doctor just doing his job.
My trip in Hilton has been a wonderful. I've done something I never had been doing before, quite bold yet not enough discernment. Not wise, very risky, but my instinct prove me right- it's okie. Some nice memories to capture and I'll remember it. Got to know a friend, going for 2 movies- Shaggy Dog- was really nice- I love it, another Inside Man, okie but a bit deep, can't really appreciate the storyline. I attended Sun evening church- Ps. Jayakumar spoke about Ps 23: 1-4 The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. Also join Cell Group, nice combination of people- lengthy sharing tho'. Wht's the impression- childlike and simple. The lesson shared was on Abunance Blessing from God. What it means to be comple/whole. What does wholeness mean? How are we positioning ourselves to receive the blessing from God? Some shared about John 15, the Vine and branches, a few scriptures on walking with the Spirit. I remember I shared in Cell about this- He increased and we decrease. More of God, more of the Spirit and less of Flesh. How to walk in step with the Spirit. To positioning ourselves for abundance- grace upon grace, the outpouring of blessing God intended for His children. How's our attitude to receive that? Good sharing- we end really late 11.30pm, but ok-lah, quite similar to our CG.
From Sun-Thurs meeting up with Kawai, mixed feeling- a little scare, and happy. Due to my emotion and my deficiency, I'm afraid I will unconciously grow attached to the friendship and spoilt it in the future. Asking the Lord to guard my heart for it's the well spring of life. To keep watch of my steps and action. Thank God for a wonderful friend- yet there're something I need to be careful and aware of- Platonic Relationship, will that be possible between different sexes? I used to think it's possible, but now I don't think so, because somehow someday someone might cross the line.
Hilton will surely be a good memories, and it's saddening to leave and to end, yet- somehow someday my wish and hope that this will remain true and lasting...only if God wills!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Psalm 85 Prayer for the Nation
30th March 2006,
1 You showed favor to your land, O LORD; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.
2 You forgave the iniquity of your people and covered all their sins.
3 You set aside all your wrath and turned from your fierce anger.
4 Restore us again, O God our Savior, and put away your displeasure toward us.
5 Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger through all generations?
6 Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?
7 Show us your unfailing love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation.
8 I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly.
9 Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land.
10 Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
11 Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.
12 The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.
13 Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.
Yesterday Combined Churches Prayer Rally at Fettes Park Baptist Church. It's good time of prayer, and I'm personally encouraged by the response and the prayer itself. We prayed based on Ps 85, start with repentance, prayer of restoration and ask God for personal revival of Faith, Hope and Passion. It's timely message. I'm touched, God has been so good- He has blessed us continually and being so patience with His children. We are like sheep has gone astray, each of us turning our own separate way. We hv missed Him, many times...with our personal agenda, how we build our own house, and pursue of the world. We have somehow lost the real meaning and purpose of our existance. With CWMC that I've learned and challenged on mission and sharing love to others.
I was just wondering and reflecting my life. Have I been a blessing in my workplace? Am I being a good subordinate and colleagues, am I a good boss? am I am a good employer to GMC? How is my encounter with others, my relationship, what Jesus trying to teach the disciple on "people perspective"...a glabal issue, am I faithful in that? What about pride? Hv I been proud in my own understanding and human wisdom and effort? How about spiritual pride? How is the measure of my love for Him?
Father....help me, let me decrease and You increase, work in me daily. Every day...that I will grow from strength to strength and from glory to glory. May I reflect your goodness, that my life will not be a shame to Your Name but to bring Glory to You. Not by might nor by power, but by Your Spirit. Thats' why we need of Your Spirit to work in us. Work in Your own special way...Amen!
1 You showed favor to your land, O LORD; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.
2 You forgave the iniquity of your people and covered all their sins.
3 You set aside all your wrath and turned from your fierce anger.
4 Restore us again, O God our Savior, and put away your displeasure toward us.
5 Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger through all generations?
6 Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?
7 Show us your unfailing love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation.
8 I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly.
9 Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land.
10 Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
11 Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.
12 The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.
13 Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.
Yesterday Combined Churches Prayer Rally at Fettes Park Baptist Church. It's good time of prayer, and I'm personally encouraged by the response and the prayer itself. We prayed based on Ps 85, start with repentance, prayer of restoration and ask God for personal revival of Faith, Hope and Passion. It's timely message. I'm touched, God has been so good- He has blessed us continually and being so patience with His children. We are like sheep has gone astray, each of us turning our own separate way. We hv missed Him, many times...with our personal agenda, how we build our own house, and pursue of the world. We have somehow lost the real meaning and purpose of our existance. With CWMC that I've learned and challenged on mission and sharing love to others.
I was just wondering and reflecting my life. Have I been a blessing in my workplace? Am I being a good subordinate and colleagues, am I a good boss? am I am a good employer to GMC? How is my encounter with others, my relationship, what Jesus trying to teach the disciple on "people perspective"...a glabal issue, am I faithful in that? What about pride? Hv I been proud in my own understanding and human wisdom and effort? How about spiritual pride? How is the measure of my love for Him?
Father....help me, let me decrease and You increase, work in me daily. Every day...that I will grow from strength to strength and from glory to glory. May I reflect your goodness, that my life will not be a shame to Your Name but to bring Glory to You. Not by might nor by power, but by Your Spirit. Thats' why we need of Your Spirit to work in us. Work in Your own special way...Amen!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Condensed World Mission Course
25th March 2006,
1.38pm Saturday afternoon. It's time to go back, stayed to clear my documents. A lot new product insert and materials don't have the time to read- a quick browse through and dump the materials in the dustbins, or else at the end of the year my desk will full of papers and journals. Not feeling well today, knew it, last night have not been feeling well. For the pass few days has been having headache, at the rising of the dawm has been feeling the pain. Now am having flu and fever, took Redoxon in the morning before go to church. This morning went for leader's prayer in church- 6.30am. Today is the 7th day of the Prayer and Fasting week- the focus is on Overcoming with Love. The status of the heart- to love, to release unforgiveness, to be effective in the Ministry. A recheck of the heart status. How is my heart condition spiritually? Has it been charged up with the WOG and love of God? How is my reaction when others said something bad about me, or how would be my response if ppl unintentionally hurt me? How would I react on that? It's surface from the matter of the heart. Yes, how true ...
CWMC- 3rd Chapter yesterday;
1st Chapter is about God, His plan and purpose. The see the centrality of God in the study of mission, how it all begin. About the Bible as love story book- shown how God loves us and wants His people to love know Him through the Word, and loves Him voluntarily in return. The display of His love- revealing of His plan and purpose for us: Redemptive purpose and Kingdom purpose. Understanding the purpose frm the incidence of Babel and it's significant to the mission.
2nd Chapter is about Israel, the covenet people. Much saying about the OT, to see Israel's obligation, opportunity and response in reaching out. Cover on Abrahamic covenant which relate to The Great Commision. Realise how the Lord want to bless us to be a blessing, biblically stated as topline and bottomline blessing. To see Jonah's response in depth and how that relate to us, how have we slacked in just wanting blessing and denying the responsibilities.
3rd Chapter is about the 3M's: Messiah, Message and Messagers, how it related, with the mystery revealed, Messiah- who is He, how it speaks about the message, and the importance of being a messangers for the Kingdom of God. Realising the main mission of church in this interim period, from the 1st coming to the 2nd coming of Christ. Exposed to the 'twinkle twinle' story in Matthew 4, how Jesus answered to the Canaanite women that plead to heal the daughter- which describe on the association of giving breads to dogs, and the bread that's frm the table- how it relate to the different message Jesus wants the disciple to learn. A training for his disciple.
Tonite will be Breakthrough Nite, by Apostle Brown. Don't know what to expect. Have been going for a lot breakthrough nite, yet still ant to believe God is working through breakthrough. His presence, just long for His presence and to come with expectant heart, allowing God to work in us. His Spirit work in the hearts of His people. This time gonna be something different, are we hungry? God will surely move, whether we want it or not. He will surely move, but are we ready to allow Him to 'bang' in our hearts, and inhabit in our being? The willingness and openess, the 'unlearned' and relearne on His Word.
O Daddy, Thank You that for You are the ever symbol of love. Thank You for Your Words and ministering, thank You for the work You're doing, and continuously working. Prepare my heart, Lord I prepare my heart to receive from You, the touch. Just one glimpse, just one drink and my soul will satisfied. As the songs read:
Lord I come, take my life
I offer up to You a living sacrifice
By Your love, By your Grace
I come into the Holy of Holies
All I wanna do
Is dwell in Your Presence
Drink from Your well
that never runs dry
All I wanna see
is the Light of Your Glory
Just one glimpse
Just one drink
and my Soul will satisfy
Longing for Your touch, Father let it be the cries of the heart of Your people, that come longing for You, missing You, longing for You Lord- Let Your annointing flow, work thru' miracles, that Your people will be set free, free to love You, worship You, and to want more of You. Father have Your way, We surrender- work Your way, not our way. it's Yours Lord, You minister, Your glory be magnified, praise You Father....
Father, create me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me. That I will coem into Your presence in childlikeness, that my mind will be free to worship you, to learn from You, to relearn all from You Lord. I hungry for You Father- work in me tonite I pray, Amen!
1.38pm Saturday afternoon. It's time to go back, stayed to clear my documents. A lot new product insert and materials don't have the time to read- a quick browse through and dump the materials in the dustbins, or else at the end of the year my desk will full of papers and journals. Not feeling well today, knew it, last night have not been feeling well. For the pass few days has been having headache, at the rising of the dawm has been feeling the pain. Now am having flu and fever, took Redoxon in the morning before go to church. This morning went for leader's prayer in church- 6.30am. Today is the 7th day of the Prayer and Fasting week- the focus is on Overcoming with Love. The status of the heart- to love, to release unforgiveness, to be effective in the Ministry. A recheck of the heart status. How is my heart condition spiritually? Has it been charged up with the WOG and love of God? How is my reaction when others said something bad about me, or how would be my response if ppl unintentionally hurt me? How would I react on that? It's surface from the matter of the heart. Yes, how true ...
CWMC- 3rd Chapter yesterday;
1st Chapter is about God, His plan and purpose. The see the centrality of God in the study of mission, how it all begin. About the Bible as love story book- shown how God loves us and wants His people to love know Him through the Word, and loves Him voluntarily in return. The display of His love- revealing of His plan and purpose for us: Redemptive purpose and Kingdom purpose. Understanding the purpose frm the incidence of Babel and it's significant to the mission.
2nd Chapter is about Israel, the covenet people. Much saying about the OT, to see Israel's obligation, opportunity and response in reaching out. Cover on Abrahamic covenant which relate to The Great Commision. Realise how the Lord want to bless us to be a blessing, biblically stated as topline and bottomline blessing. To see Jonah's response in depth and how that relate to us, how have we slacked in just wanting blessing and denying the responsibilities.
3rd Chapter is about the 3M's: Messiah, Message and Messagers, how it related, with the mystery revealed, Messiah- who is He, how it speaks about the message, and the importance of being a messangers for the Kingdom of God. Realising the main mission of church in this interim period, from the 1st coming to the 2nd coming of Christ. Exposed to the 'twinkle twinle' story in Matthew 4, how Jesus answered to the Canaanite women that plead to heal the daughter- which describe on the association of giving breads to dogs, and the bread that's frm the table- how it relate to the different message Jesus wants the disciple to learn. A training for his disciple.
Tonite will be Breakthrough Nite, by Apostle Brown. Don't know what to expect. Have been going for a lot breakthrough nite, yet still ant to believe God is working through breakthrough. His presence, just long for His presence and to come with expectant heart, allowing God to work in us. His Spirit work in the hearts of His people. This time gonna be something different, are we hungry? God will surely move, whether we want it or not. He will surely move, but are we ready to allow Him to 'bang' in our hearts, and inhabit in our being? The willingness and openess, the 'unlearned' and relearne on His Word.
O Daddy, Thank You that for You are the ever symbol of love. Thank You for Your Words and ministering, thank You for the work You're doing, and continuously working. Prepare my heart, Lord I prepare my heart to receive from You, the touch. Just one glimpse, just one drink and my soul will satisfied. As the songs read:
Lord I come, take my life
I offer up to You a living sacrifice
By Your love, By your Grace
I come into the Holy of Holies
All I wanna do
Is dwell in Your Presence
Drink from Your well
that never runs dry
All I wanna see
is the Light of Your Glory
Just one glimpse
Just one drink
and my Soul will satisfy
Longing for Your touch, Father let it be the cries of the heart of Your people, that come longing for You, missing You, longing for You Lord- Let Your annointing flow, work thru' miracles, that Your people will be set free, free to love You, worship You, and to want more of You. Father have Your way, We surrender- work Your way, not our way. it's Yours Lord, You minister, Your glory be magnified, praise You Father....
Father, create me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me. That I will coem into Your presence in childlikeness, that my mind will be free to worship you, to learn from You, to relearn all from You Lord. I hungry for You Father- work in me tonite I pray, Amen!
Monday, March 20, 2006
ESMS Training
20th March 2006,
6.30pm Monday evening. Today whole day I was in the Lecture Hall for training. Magdalene went with me. The training is on "Effective Supervisory and Managerial Skill"- basically for the HODs, Executives and Supervisors, relevant to our job scope. The trainer is Mr HK Hin, very vocal person, and very experience in giving training to a lot multinational company like Jabil, and Motorola. He was formerly from Motorola and shared with us a lot of his experience dealing with production, and leadership. A lot of the examples of the effective leadership that he addressed, which inspired us. Quite a number of participants attend the course, and tomorrow will be Part II of the long hours training. I did learned a lot from him, about leadership- and it's very much inspiring to hear his experiences. It's basically a motivational training, and it's definitely very effective if we to apply it in our management, yet- there're others area of concerns which not able to work practically. He talk about situational leadership and flexibility- very inspiring and he was saying about changing the mindset, positive thinking. It's all begin at the mindset, and it's the brain. He mention about we're not to live on fate, success is by how we wanna put effort, how the brains work- we can change things. He list down the 7 habits of effective leadership. Inspiring. I wonder if he's a Christian.
Christian working in the world system. How should be our value system. A lot of motivational courses, yet Christian are following on Christ as our role model. To be effective as Christian in secular world, Ro12 - Not to be confront to the standard of the world but to be transform in renewing of our mind, to know the perfect will of God. How do we depends on God, as our role model in dealing with people in workplace, being effective and successful leaders? A lot of motivational speaker quote on motivational books- such as Stephen Covey, Anthony Robin, and other successful stories of successful people- how the mindset and thinking. It's good, but I don't usually fancy or chase after motivational class. A lot good inputs, good inspiring training, but still to put it into practice, application is the most important thing. As for this course, yes- I realise relationship with people, interpersonal relationship is the area which I'm lacking, and I got to really push myself out of the limitation to relate to my staff, to care for them- to communicate with them. Push out of my limitation. ...got to, and will try to. I try, God helps.
6.30pm Monday evening. Today whole day I was in the Lecture Hall for training. Magdalene went with me. The training is on "Effective Supervisory and Managerial Skill"- basically for the HODs, Executives and Supervisors, relevant to our job scope. The trainer is Mr HK Hin, very vocal person, and very experience in giving training to a lot multinational company like Jabil, and Motorola. He was formerly from Motorola and shared with us a lot of his experience dealing with production, and leadership. A lot of the examples of the effective leadership that he addressed, which inspired us. Quite a number of participants attend the course, and tomorrow will be Part II of the long hours training. I did learned a lot from him, about leadership- and it's very much inspiring to hear his experiences. It's basically a motivational training, and it's definitely very effective if we to apply it in our management, yet- there're others area of concerns which not able to work practically. He talk about situational leadership and flexibility- very inspiring and he was saying about changing the mindset, positive thinking. It's all begin at the mindset, and it's the brain. He mention about we're not to live on fate, success is by how we wanna put effort, how the brains work- we can change things. He list down the 7 habits of effective leadership. Inspiring. I wonder if he's a Christian.
Christian working in the world system. How should be our value system. A lot of motivational courses, yet Christian are following on Christ as our role model. To be effective as Christian in secular world, Ro12 - Not to be confront to the standard of the world but to be transform in renewing of our mind, to know the perfect will of God. How do we depends on God, as our role model in dealing with people in workplace, being effective and successful leaders? A lot of motivational speaker quote on motivational books- such as Stephen Covey, Anthony Robin, and other successful stories of successful people- how the mindset and thinking. It's good, but I don't usually fancy or chase after motivational class. A lot good inputs, good inspiring training, but still to put it into practice, application is the most important thing. As for this course, yes- I realise relationship with people, interpersonal relationship is the area which I'm lacking, and I got to really push myself out of the limitation to relate to my staff, to care for them- to communicate with them. Push out of my limitation. ...got to, and will try to. I try, God helps.
Friday, March 17, 2006
We help, God heals...
17th March 2006,
6.20pm Fri evening. Doing blog before packing off straight to church. Today has been okie, work normal. Tomorrow myself and Magdalene will be going to City Bayview for Diabetes Management workshop for whole day, so the pharmacy left Charmine to be in charged. She has hand in resignation letter and her last day will be another 3 months from now. She has been really good help to me, and surely I'll miss her a whole lot.
Just now went to see Dr Leong, give him see aunts' clinical report on the CA. She was diagnosed with colon cancer metastasis to liver, and according to my cousin doctor in Adventist Hospital said there's no hope, no curative treatment available. I seek Dr. Leong's opinion, he said yes, can be treated, probably to prolong survival but not curative. Sadden by this, life goes on. What are we doing about this? As Christian...other than praying. I told Shanice, we will be praying for aunty, take heart. As I look back, we're not pretty close with the relative, only get together occasionally, weddings, funerals, birth. Other than that none, nothing much. Press on praying- do as much as I can to help. I do believe that God heals, Jesus heals. Even though I'm in medical line, and what I've been learning about diseases progression and drugs and treatment, but I believe strongly God heals.
It reflect back the scenario of how dad struggled fighting the cancer. Another question is whether is it that we lack of faith that resulted dad not healed? Or it's unforgiveness in his heart? At that point, I wonder...really really wondering- God, we prayed through, we shed tears, we pressed on, we unite our heart through as family. Church prayed, daddy prayed. He prayed, daddy really press on, and he dependant on God- he struggled yet he keep holding on to God, till the last breath, his last word " The Lord is my Lord and Saviour". That's the last word I ever hear from his mouth before he back with the Lord. Daddy is now with God, enjoying the splendor and majesty. I miss him so much, thinking about him can just make me shed my tears. Deep in my heart still engraved the memories, of the time we pressed on, but God did not heal Daddy. But He's still healer, yes- He heals, Jehovah Rophi, the Healer. How is my faith this time as I stand in the gap to pray for aunt? The Lord gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Trust Him, O little Faith, trust Him. He is able!
6.20pm Fri evening. Doing blog before packing off straight to church. Today has been okie, work normal. Tomorrow myself and Magdalene will be going to City Bayview for Diabetes Management workshop for whole day, so the pharmacy left Charmine to be in charged. She has hand in resignation letter and her last day will be another 3 months from now. She has been really good help to me, and surely I'll miss her a whole lot.
Just now went to see Dr Leong, give him see aunts' clinical report on the CA. She was diagnosed with colon cancer metastasis to liver, and according to my cousin doctor in Adventist Hospital said there's no hope, no curative treatment available. I seek Dr. Leong's opinion, he said yes, can be treated, probably to prolong survival but not curative. Sadden by this, life goes on. What are we doing about this? As Christian...other than praying. I told Shanice, we will be praying for aunty, take heart. As I look back, we're not pretty close with the relative, only get together occasionally, weddings, funerals, birth. Other than that none, nothing much. Press on praying- do as much as I can to help. I do believe that God heals, Jesus heals. Even though I'm in medical line, and what I've been learning about diseases progression and drugs and treatment, but I believe strongly God heals.
It reflect back the scenario of how dad struggled fighting the cancer. Another question is whether is it that we lack of faith that resulted dad not healed? Or it's unforgiveness in his heart? At that point, I wonder...really really wondering- God, we prayed through, we shed tears, we pressed on, we unite our heart through as family. Church prayed, daddy prayed. He prayed, daddy really press on, and he dependant on God- he struggled yet he keep holding on to God, till the last breath, his last word " The Lord is my Lord and Saviour". That's the last word I ever hear from his mouth before he back with the Lord. Daddy is now with God, enjoying the splendor and majesty. I miss him so much, thinking about him can just make me shed my tears. Deep in my heart still engraved the memories, of the time we pressed on, but God did not heal Daddy. But He's still healer, yes- He heals, Jehovah Rophi, the Healer. How is my faith this time as I stand in the gap to pray for aunt? The Lord gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Trust Him, O little Faith, trust Him. He is able!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Thursday updates
16th March 2006,
Thurs-5.40pm, about time to go back. Today's work has been alright, normal. Phone ringing over whole place. Today Camelia and Valsala work PM, system down again. We're in the midst of changing system, from DOS to Web-based, with the hope that the new system will speed up the operation and helping in report genaration, with more flexibility and more user friendly. Am quite upset with our drug coding today. I suggested to IT not to migrate the old data to new system, especially the obsolete drug code, items which does not move in 3 years, but my Finance Manager argue with me, require all the items to be coded for data migration. Ended up, finally I have to just do the data set. Oh gross..with all the numbers and figure in front of computer whole day has been twisting my mind. Really pray the new system will not give much problem. Anticipating spike here and there when System On-Live this 30th Apr.
Thurs, nothing much at home, will be going back to have dinner wth mum. Later cousin will be having dinner at home too. Have been working on the CWMC 1st Worksheet, it require a lot of readings and homework. Last week was just the 1st lesson, this week will be more of discussion and more involvement among the members. Introductory lesson-about God, God's plan and purpose for the nation, His redemption plan and establishment of His Kingdom. Tomorrow will be more, very comprehensive teaching.
Thurs-5.40pm, about time to go back. Today's work has been alright, normal. Phone ringing over whole place. Today Camelia and Valsala work PM, system down again. We're in the midst of changing system, from DOS to Web-based, with the hope that the new system will speed up the operation and helping in report genaration, with more flexibility and more user friendly. Am quite upset with our drug coding today. I suggested to IT not to migrate the old data to new system, especially the obsolete drug code, items which does not move in 3 years, but my Finance Manager argue with me, require all the items to be coded for data migration. Ended up, finally I have to just do the data set. Oh gross..with all the numbers and figure in front of computer whole day has been twisting my mind. Really pray the new system will not give much problem. Anticipating spike here and there when System On-Live this 30th Apr.
Thurs, nothing much at home, will be going back to have dinner wth mum. Later cousin will be having dinner at home too. Have been working on the CWMC 1st Worksheet, it require a lot of readings and homework. Last week was just the 1st lesson, this week will be more of discussion and more involvement among the members. Introductory lesson-about God, God's plan and purpose for the nation, His redemption plan and establishment of His Kingdom. Tomorrow will be more, very comprehensive teaching.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Avastin Launching - Lighthouse Fellowship
13th March 2006,
5.45pm Monday evening. Time to pack up. Mum got back yesterday night about 8.30pm, I touch down Pg 6.00pm and straight take cab back home. So tired- take 2 hrs nap, frm 6-8pm. Wake up a bit dizzy, yet better. Now still recovering from my panda eyes, got a lot dark circle already...there goes my sleeping beauty.
Attended Avastin launching on Saturday evening- 7pm Quite technical detailing, more suitable for the doctors- too many studies, can't able to remember so much. Expensive drug- RM1588 per-100mg vial, if a person is 60kg, require 3 vials, will be ~RM5K, aduh... Avastin 100mg pervial (Roche), indicating for metastatic colon cancer, what a high cost of treatment. How can people affort this? The launching is just okie, dinner was very late- 9pm till 11.30pm, then meet up with Kok Keong for drink, catching up after so so long. I've not been back for CNY, has not been catching up with old-schoolmate. Then, back hotel, Angie stay with me for a nite. We chatted till 3am ter-sleep off. Wah, that's my night...very much tiring.
6.45am wake up, take breakfast, take cab to SS3. Wondering so "Tai Tam" alone to SS3. Isn't that dangerous to meet the 'wolf'? If real wolf then habis lar. Reached LightHouse Fellowship about 8.30am, wondering is it the right address? How come just a house, he give me wrong address or what? Hmm...called the phone, no answer, oh no, suspend. Ta da...here come the wolf :) Tall, wearing white collared shirt, with proper short trimmed hair- look so serious. Oh dear, is he the one I'm chatting with all this while? Very serious.
Lighthouse Fellowship, small church, not much people, no drum, no keyboard, just guitar. Entering in, sit at the corner all alone. Kawai and Clarine doing pre-worship, practising on worship. Slowly people coming in, think the whole congregation about 30-40 people, small church. EPCC huge, more than hundreds, all fully equipped. The service started with Pr. leading the congregation on declaration and prayer, followed by some songs, then worship. This is my ever first time attending smaller group church, with long service. Start 9am-1pm (4 hours), wow...I wonder EPCC can have such longer service. The worship was great, full of God's annointing- with simple songs, and a guitar alone can have such wonderful worship- that sure be the work of the Holy Spirit, and God's presence is real. He is there...in our midst, He inhabit in the praises of His people, those who worship Him with Spirit and truth. I have not experience much of speaking in tongues in EPCC, I do believe in speaking in tongue, but we don't use much of it. The church move powerfully with the gifts- speaking in tongue. Strong sense of God's presence and anointing. Refreshing. Pr gives word of knowledge, about some issues about mind that's confuse and hurts. Asked the person to come out, I sense a tug in my heart, is He saying tht to me? Not sure, but God's presence is strong, I can sense that.
Pr. Jayakumar Joseph is the speaker. The message talk about "To be Christlike" taken from book of Luke, and also a lot of other Scriptures, untill some of the point I can't catch the Scripture reference. The church very much into Word of God, backed up with Biblical Scripture. Christlikeness, to be like Christ, strong Word. Hindrances- a lot: Discouragement, Fear, Imaginary Minds, World pleasure. I can identify. That show much much we need God, how much we need His Word, how much we need to keep close to Him, in our conduct, words and testimony to be the light, to be Christlike. Pr. message is strong- I can see he's a man of God- strict and with Godly principles. Powerful ministering, releasing God's Word of knowledge. He looks strict, I don't have a chance to even say Hi, or thank him for the message- too bad.
Sfter service, went for lunch with Kawai and chruch members, hot weather, get to knoe Nicole- the pinkiest girl, and cute girl. Need to write this down to capture the memories, or else mayb next time don't see will not remember- a girl that likes Seven-11. After lunch went back church. Hot weather. Have some chat with Kawai and play with the guitar, nice to play. Had been a while since the last time I played in CG, tipu tipu chords. Kawai keep asking me to play- oh dear, very paisey...anyhow manage to start strumming and get a few songs rolling. Enjoy the guitaring session....after this session, I think I got to start make time to practise guitar, no determination. Remember how I spend time in my room back in Pekaka, to pick few worship songs and play- now no more, lost the passion. Sigh! 3.30pm manage to check in in KL Sentral, thank God. Thank Kawai for fetching me to KL Sentral. Tiring trip yet well-spent- getting to know a fren, a small nice church with wonderful people that passionate for God at least encourage my heart to go on. Pr. messange always a challenge, and repentance is not just repentance, but to get out of it, turn away from it, and transform. A challenge, and prayerfully a transformation and breakthrough for my spiritual life.
Reached home so tired, mum back about 9pm, give a bad news- aunt got liver cancer. Reminded me on how daddy struggle thru' the time to fight cancer. A thoughts, O Lord...so many cancers, so many relatives passed away without knowing God- what am I doing at this time? Sms sister about this, she said we got to press on praying- to pray, what else can we do? To pray and do our part when God open opportunity to share of His good news. Watched FlyWheel, touching. Real life story, very practical, down to earth, should be viewed by all. Prayers make a difference. P>U>S>H Push untill something happen. Pray and have faith in God, He will definitely lead us through if we do not loose heart. Intergrity as Christian, in the sinful word, how are we shinning? How are we shinning and standing in Christlikeness? Move towards that, work on our salvation with fear and trembling. God help us!
12am Devotion- Sleep ever so soundly, Monday will definitely will be a great day! Amen! Thank you Lord!
5.45pm Monday evening. Time to pack up. Mum got back yesterday night about 8.30pm, I touch down Pg 6.00pm and straight take cab back home. So tired- take 2 hrs nap, frm 6-8pm. Wake up a bit dizzy, yet better. Now still recovering from my panda eyes, got a lot dark circle already...there goes my sleeping beauty.
Attended Avastin launching on Saturday evening- 7pm Quite technical detailing, more suitable for the doctors- too many studies, can't able to remember so much. Expensive drug- RM1588 per-100mg vial, if a person is 60kg, require 3 vials, will be ~RM5K, aduh... Avastin 100mg pervial (Roche), indicating for metastatic colon cancer, what a high cost of treatment. How can people affort this? The launching is just okie, dinner was very late- 9pm till 11.30pm, then meet up with Kok Keong for drink, catching up after so so long. I've not been back for CNY, has not been catching up with old-schoolmate. Then, back hotel, Angie stay with me for a nite. We chatted till 3am ter-sleep off. Wah, that's my night...very much tiring.
6.45am wake up, take breakfast, take cab to SS3. Wondering so "Tai Tam" alone to SS3. Isn't that dangerous to meet the 'wolf'? If real wolf then habis lar. Reached LightHouse Fellowship about 8.30am, wondering is it the right address? How come just a house, he give me wrong address or what? Hmm...called the phone, no answer, oh no, suspend. Ta da...here come the wolf :) Tall, wearing white collared shirt, with proper short trimmed hair- look so serious. Oh dear, is he the one I'm chatting with all this while? Very serious.
Lighthouse Fellowship, small church, not much people, no drum, no keyboard, just guitar. Entering in, sit at the corner all alone. Kawai and Clarine doing pre-worship, practising on worship. Slowly people coming in, think the whole congregation about 30-40 people, small church. EPCC huge, more than hundreds, all fully equipped. The service started with Pr. leading the congregation on declaration and prayer, followed by some songs, then worship. This is my ever first time attending smaller group church, with long service. Start 9am-1pm (4 hours), wow...I wonder EPCC can have such longer service. The worship was great, full of God's annointing- with simple songs, and a guitar alone can have such wonderful worship- that sure be the work of the Holy Spirit, and God's presence is real. He is there...in our midst, He inhabit in the praises of His people, those who worship Him with Spirit and truth. I have not experience much of speaking in tongues in EPCC, I do believe in speaking in tongue, but we don't use much of it. The church move powerfully with the gifts- speaking in tongue. Strong sense of God's presence and anointing. Refreshing. Pr gives word of knowledge, about some issues about mind that's confuse and hurts. Asked the person to come out, I sense a tug in my heart, is He saying tht to me? Not sure, but God's presence is strong, I can sense that.
Pr. Jayakumar Joseph is the speaker. The message talk about "To be Christlike" taken from book of Luke, and also a lot of other Scriptures, untill some of the point I can't catch the Scripture reference. The church very much into Word of God, backed up with Biblical Scripture. Christlikeness, to be like Christ, strong Word. Hindrances- a lot: Discouragement, Fear, Imaginary Minds, World pleasure. I can identify. That show much much we need God, how much we need His Word, how much we need to keep close to Him, in our conduct, words and testimony to be the light, to be Christlike. Pr. message is strong- I can see he's a man of God- strict and with Godly principles. Powerful ministering, releasing God's Word of knowledge. He looks strict, I don't have a chance to even say Hi, or thank him for the message- too bad.
Sfter service, went for lunch with Kawai and chruch members, hot weather, get to knoe Nicole- the pinkiest girl, and cute girl. Need to write this down to capture the memories, or else mayb next time don't see will not remember- a girl that likes Seven-11. After lunch went back church. Hot weather. Have some chat with Kawai and play with the guitar, nice to play. Had been a while since the last time I played in CG, tipu tipu chords. Kawai keep asking me to play- oh dear, very paisey...anyhow manage to start strumming and get a few songs rolling. Enjoy the guitaring session....after this session, I think I got to start make time to practise guitar, no determination. Remember how I spend time in my room back in Pekaka, to pick few worship songs and play- now no more, lost the passion. Sigh! 3.30pm manage to check in in KL Sentral, thank God. Thank Kawai for fetching me to KL Sentral. Tiring trip yet well-spent- getting to know a fren, a small nice church with wonderful people that passionate for God at least encourage my heart to go on. Pr. messange always a challenge, and repentance is not just repentance, but to get out of it, turn away from it, and transform. A challenge, and prayerfully a transformation and breakthrough for my spiritual life.
Reached home so tired, mum back about 9pm, give a bad news- aunt got liver cancer. Reminded me on how daddy struggle thru' the time to fight cancer. A thoughts, O Lord...so many cancers, so many relatives passed away without knowing God- what am I doing at this time? Sms sister about this, she said we got to press on praying- to pray, what else can we do? To pray and do our part when God open opportunity to share of His good news. Watched FlyWheel, touching. Real life story, very practical, down to earth, should be viewed by all. Prayers make a difference. P>U>S>H Push untill something happen. Pray and have faith in God, He will definitely lead us through if we do not loose heart. Intergrity as Christian, in the sinful word, how are we shinning? How are we shinning and standing in Christlikeness? Move towards that, work on our salvation with fear and trembling. God help us!
12am Devotion- Sleep ever so soundly, Monday will definitely will be a great day! Amen! Thank you Lord!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Centre of my Life
A song I just learned. The lyrics is good- making Jesus the centre of our life, responding to Him with all we have, stepping out from the comfort zone, the unknown, and trusting the Lord of the things ahead, letting go our the comfort, holding on to Him, in the fear- replace wth peace...
Centre Of My Life
Jonas Myrin, Natasha Bedingfield
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
PreChorus:
Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
Chorus:
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song
Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
Bridge:
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom
Centre Of My Life
Jonas Myrin, Natasha Bedingfield
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
PreChorus:
Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
Chorus:
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song
Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
Bridge:
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom
Song for the season
10th March 2006,
Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...
I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...
Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...
I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...
I will Sing
(Don Moen-Hosanna Intergrity)
Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
It's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the Grace
What all that's in my heart
I will sing; I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing
Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
I don't know where to start
But as You give the Grace
With all that's in my heart
Thank You Lord, for You never let me go, and You understand the deepest of the deep in me, Thank you Lord for loving me the way I am, just the way I am, and accept me just being me. Thank you Lord, for that Grace you give- and that carry me on, that Grace, that Love carry me on. Thank you Daddy!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed
7th March 2006,
6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.
I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.
I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!
6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.
I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.
I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Floating.....a place to belong?
4th March 2006,
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
March- another month...
2nd March 2006,
6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.
Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.
Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?
6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.
Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.
Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?
Monday, February 20, 2006
Avillion.. there I come
20th February 2006,
Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.
Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.
Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!
Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.
Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.
Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Testing 1,2, 3...Blogging Picture:)
Ehhh...?? Who is this? Cun Babe..."I'm Ms. Dew, call me Peace", her name is Dew_Peace :DDDD
Hehe..never bother to play on the blog till today. Got to wait till 7.30pm for Support-Group dinner. I should write something about myself then, since this can be published. What can I say...Simple, yet deep; Ordinary yet Extra-Cautionary; Gentle& Caring (duh..) yet Complex, Sweet, and Cute- yet Fierce. Soft, and Fragile yet Tough and Stubborn, don't mess with her;)
I remember I put this in my Friendster: "Bipolar-mixed personality;
Chol-Phleg-Melancho-Sang (20%-25%-50%-5%) Loved by JC.
Anyhow, I always been reminded of His Word in Psalms, that's how how my Daddy manufacture me :D
Psalms 139:13-16
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
[b] Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Open the eyes of our Heart, Lord
9th February 2006,
It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...
Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?
O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!
It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...
Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?
O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Earliest Sleeping Time
7th February 2006,
8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.
Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.
O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!
8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.
Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.
O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!
Monday, February 06, 2006
The Ever Funniest Dream
6th February 2006,
5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.
The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...
5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.
The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Saturday...7th Day of CNY
4th February 2006,
It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?
Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.
Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.
Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!
It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?
Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.
Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.
Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!
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